Book Review: The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People by D. M. Maynard

Introduction

Navigating the complexities of gender transition can be a transformative journey not only for the person transitioning but for their loved ones as well. D. M. Maynard’s The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People offers an invaluable resource for partners, providing guidance, reflection, and practical exercises to help navigate the emotional, psychological, and social aspects of supporting a loved one through their gender transition. As a psychotherapist who works closely with Two Spirit, trans, nonbinary, and queer clients and their families, I find this workbook particularly relevant for those navigating the complexities of transition while maintaining relationships. It provides a compassionate and structured approach that is often missing in resources aimed at partners.

Personally, this book resonates with me on multiple levels. My partner and I just celebrated 17 years of marriage together, and ten of those years, I have been out as a trans feminine partner. As a couple, we have also been open about our sexual orientation, which is another layer to our relationship. When we find resources like The Reflective Workbook, we welcome them wholeheartedly. I remember when we first came out together a decade ago—this kind of resource was largely missing. Few tools recognized and honoured the complexity of our relationship and the challenges we faced during those pivotal early years.

This book is important not only to my wife and me but also to my clinical practice, where I work with partners of trans*, nonbinary, and gender-expansive adults. It is the kind of resource I wish had been available back when we were navigating the initial stages of our shared journey. Maynard’s thoughtful exercises and reflective questions create space for partners to process their own emotions, something that is so often overlooked. For those who, like us, are building a life together in the face of transition, this workbook is a gift that offers validation, reflection, and support in a world that often lacks these essential elements.

Overview: The Power of Reflection and Support

Maynard’s workbook fills a significant gap in transgender resources by centring the experience of the partner, a perspective that is often overlooked in discussions about transition. The reflective exercises, personal anecdotes, and thoughtful questions encourage partners to explore their feelings of confusion, grief, and transformation alongside their transitioning partner. What makes this workbook particularly effective is its emphasis on the partner’s individual journey, providing space for them to unpack their emotions, fears, and hopes in a safe and structured environment.

The workbook is designed to be clear and accessible, with each chapter addressing specific challenges that partners may face—from the initial shock of discovering a partner’s gender identity to the complexities of navigating social relationships and medical decisions. Every chapter includes guided journaling exercises, affirmations, and vignettes, all of which help support the partner’s introspection and emotional well-being. The structure provides a sense of continuity and allows partners to return to chapters or exercises as their emotional and relational needs evolve over time.

For example, Chapter 2, Unexpected and Confused, explores the initial shock and emotional upheaval that many partners experience upon learning about their partner’s desire to transition. Through reflection exercises like graphic organizers and journaling prompts, Maynard guides partners in processing their emotions, helping them to clarify their own responses without judgement (Maynard, 2019). This focus on emotional clarity is especially important in early stages, when partners often feel overwhelmed by the unknown.

In a world where partners of transgender individuals often feel overlooked, this workbook offers validation, reflection, and a path toward understanding that honours their unique experience. By encouraging partners to explore their own emotional landscape in parallel with their partner’s transition, Maynard’s work is a compassionate resource for those seeking to build stronger, more resilient relationships.

First Impressions: Maynard’s Warm, Compassionate Voice

From the very beginning, Maynard’s voice stands out as warm, empathetic, and deeply grounded in her lived experience. Her willingness to be vulnerable by sharing her personal story of being a partner to someone who transitioned after 17 years of marriage lends the workbook a sense of authenticity that is both relatable and trustworthy. Maynard’s openness invites partners to reflect on their own feelings without fear of judgment, fostering a much-needed sense of safety and acceptance. This tone is critical for partners navigating such an intimate and deeply personal journey.

Maynard’s compassionate approach helps partners feel seen and understood, which is vital when they may be grappling with feelings of confusion, loss, or even resentment. By sharing her own path, Maynard creates a space where partners can explore their emotions freely, offering them the reassurance that their reactions—whatever they may be—are valid. This balance of personal vulnerability and professional insight creates a strong foundation of trust, making the workbook an essential tool for those accompanying their loved one through transition.

Key Concepts and Takeaways: A Framework for Reflection

One of the workbook’s greatest strengths is its thoughtful structure, which seamlessly balances psychoeducation with practical, reflective exercises. Maynard expertly guides partners through the different emotional and relational stages of their own transition, as well as their partner’s, making it a truly comprehensive resource. Each chapter is designed not only to inform but also to provide space for partners to reflect and process at their own pace, which is invaluable when navigating the emotional complexities of a partner’s gender transition.

For instance, the chapter Grief May Apply delves into the often-overlooked emotional experience of grief that many partners feel during the transition process. By using the Kübler-Ross model, Maynard provides a structured way for partners to explore the layered feelings of loss that may arise as they adjust to their partner’s changing identity (Maynard, 2019). Whether the grief is over the loss of an earlier version of the relationship, shifting dynamics, or even the partner’s physical appearance, Maynard validates these emotions and offers a path toward acceptance. This chapter, in particular, underscores one of the workbook’s key strengths—its ability to hold space for both celebration and grief, acknowledging that both can coexist during transition.

In addition to emotional processing, Maynard tackles sensitive topics such as medical decisions, privilege, and the evolving nature of intimacy in relationships. The chapter Partners in Sex is a powerful example of how Maynard opens up space for these difficult conversations. Transitioning can bring about shifts in attraction, desire, and sexual boundaries, and this chapter provides both reflective exercises and practical tools to help partners navigate these changes. Maynard invites partners to explore their feelings about intimacy in the context of transition, giving them the language to communicate their needs and boundaries with their partner (Maynard, 2019). This chapter is crucial in fostering a deeper understanding of how gender transition can impact sexual relationships, addressing concerns that may otherwise go unspoken.

Additionally, Maynard weaves in nuanced discussions around privilege, particularly how transitioning can alter social and relational dynamics. In Privilege: Loss or Gain?, Maynard encourages partners to reflect on how gender transition may impact experiences of privilege in areas such as safety, societal recognition, and even relationship dynamics (Maynard, 2019). This is an essential aspect of the workbook, as it invites partners to critically engage with how societal structures and identities influence their personal experiences during transition.

Throughout each chapter, the reflective and practical tools serve as a guide for partners to not only understand their emotions but also to take actionable steps toward navigating this new phase of their relationship. Whether through graphic organizers, journaling prompts, or guided exercises, Maynard ensures that partners feel equipped to handle the many facets of gender transition. This framework for reflection is what sets the workbook apart from other resources, as it empowers partners to process at their own pace while offering tangible strategies for navigating the complexities of transition.

How This Book Stands Out: A Partner-Centred Approach

What sets The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People apart is its unwavering commitment to centring the partner’s voice—a perspective that is often overlooked in conversations about gender transition. While many resources focus on how partners can support their transitioning loved one, Maynard ensures that the partner’s own emotional landscape is given just as much attention. This partner-centred approach allows for a deeper, more holistic understanding of the complex emotional dynamics at play during transition. The workbook acknowledges that partners are on their own journey, filled with unique challenges, uncertainties, and, at times, grief. Maynard skilfully provides the space for partners to explore their identity, emotions, and desires without judgement.

One of the workbook’s most significant contributions is its affirmation that there is no “right” way to navigate the transition. Whether a partner feels supportive, ambivalent, confused, or even resistant, Maynard normalizes these emotions and encourages partners to honour their own timeline and emotional process (Maynard, 2019). This emphasis on emotional autonomy is a key strength of the workbook, as it recognizes that each partner will process their feelings differently depending on their relationship history, personal experiences, and evolving connection with their transitioning loved one.

The workbook also excels in offering creative and flexible tools that allow partners to visualize and process their emotions in non-linear ways. The inclusion of graphic organizers—bar graphs, pie charts, and Venn diagrams—enables partners to engage in self-reflection in ways that feel less intimidating than traditional journaling or verbal expression. These tools are particularly useful for individuals who may struggle with articulating their emotions in words. For example, the Venn diagram exercise, which prompts partners to explore their thoughts and feelings about couple’s therapy, offers a visual representation of areas of overlap and divergence between partners, helping to identify where communication and compromise are most needed (Maynard, 2019).

Another standout feature is the use of exercises that promote practical action alongside emotional reflection. The workbook’s “Graphics Galore” section, for instance, invites partners to “splash” their thoughts across a page using words or phrases that capture their emotional state or desires. This free-flowing, creative approach encourages partners to tap into deeper layers of emotion that may not emerge through structured conversations alone. By offering these tools, Maynard allows for a more embodied and interactive experience, one that acknowledges the complexity of emotion and thought that partners might experience during such a transformative time.

Maynard’s partner-centred approach also goes beyond individual reflection, addressing how partners can navigate their relationship dynamics in light of their loved one’s transition. She provides exercises and questions that encourage partners to reflect on issues such as shifting boundaries, evolving sexual dynamics, and the impact of societal pressures. This holistic approach ensures that the workbook addresses the emotional, relational, and practical aspects of gender transition, making it a comprehensive guide that is both therapeutic and empowering.

In essence, The Reflective Workbook distinguishes itself by offering partners a safe, structured, and non-judgmental space to explore their own feelings and experiences. It acknowledges the inherent complexity of loving someone who is transitioning while affirming the partner’s right to their own emotional journey. This partner-centred approach makes the workbook an essential resource, not only for those supporting a loved one through gender transition but also for therapists who are working to help partners navigate these profound changes.

Practical Applications for Therapy: A Tool for Both Partners and Therapists

As a therapist, I see The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People as an invaluable tool, not only for partners but also for therapists working with partners of trans individuals. The workbook’s exercises and reflective prompts can be seamlessly integrated into therapy sessions, making it a versatile resource for addressing a wide range of emotional and relational issues. Maynard’s guided questions serve as a roadmap for navigating difficult conversations, helping both partners and therapists explore critical topics such as changing dynamics in intimacy, evolving roles within the relationship, and the pressures placed on couples by external societal factors.

For example, in the chapter Partners in Sex, Maynard’s reflections on how transition affects intimacy offer practical tools for couples to communicate openly about their evolving needs and boundaries (Maynard, 2019). This is a particularly sensitive area for many couples, and having structured, compassionate exercises can help both partners and therapists approach these conversations with care and understanding. Whether it’s discussing changes in attraction, sexual dynamics, or even identity, these exercises create a safe space for partners to express their feelings and find common ground.

For therapists, this workbook is particularly helpful in working with partners who may feel isolated or confused about their role in the transition process. The reflective exercises encourage partners to look inward, helping them to better understand their own emotions, while also providing tools to improve communication within the relationship. For instance, the graphic organizers and journaling prompts help partners articulate their feelings in a visual or written format, which can be especially useful for those who struggle to express complex emotions verbally (Maynard, 2019). These exercises can be incorporated into therapy sessions to facilitate deeper discussions and to give partners the tools to continue processing their emotions outside of the session.

Therapists working from an intersectional and anti-oppressive framework will find the workbook’s approach particularly insightful. Maynard doesn’t shy away from addressing how larger societal issues like patriarchy, misogyny, and systemic discrimination can intersect with a partner’s experience during transition (Maynard, 2019). For many partners, these systemic forces can exacerbate feelings of isolation, guilt, or confusion, and Maynard’s workbook encourages both partners and therapists to explore how these factors play a role in the relationship dynamics. By acknowledging the intersections of privilege, gender, and identity, therapists can better support partners in their journey, particularly those who may be grappling with issues of marginalization or struggling to reconcile their personal identity with societal expectations.

In addition, the workbook’s exercises encourage therapists to take an anti-oppressive approach by emphasizing the importance of the partner’s own emotional process. Rather than viewing the partner’s experience solely through the lens of supporting their transitioning loved one, the workbook invites therapists to centre the partner’s own identity, grief, and desires in therapy. This approach fosters a more balanced and inclusive therapeutic relationship, ensuring that both the transitioning individual and their partner receive the support they need.

Ultimately, The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People offers therapists a rich resource that can enhance their practice, particularly when working with partners of trans individuals. Its thoughtful combination of reflective exercises, practical tools, and nuanced discussions around intersectionality make it an essential guide for fostering open communication, mutual understanding, and emotional growth in both partners and their relationships.

Conclusion

The Reflective Workbook for Partners of Transgender People is not just a resource—it’s a lifeline for partners navigating the emotional complexities of gender transition, and for therapists supporting them through that journey. Maynard’s compassionate and structured approach provides essential tools for reflection, healing, and growth, offering both partners and therapists a path toward deeper understanding, mutual respect, and strengthened relationships.

This workbook does more than guide partners through transition; it affirms their right to their own emotional process. It recognizes that grief, confusion, joy, and love can coexist during this profound transformation, and it offers partners the space to explore those emotions in a way that feels safe and empowering. For therapists, it’s an invaluable tool to integrate into sessions, helping to facilitate honest and transformative conversations about identity, intimacy, privilege, and the pressures of society.

As we move forward in a world that continues to challenge and shift our understanding of gender, resources like The Reflective Workbook remind us of the importance of empathy, self-awareness, and community. It stands as a testament to the resilience and strength of partners who choose to walk this path alongside their loved ones and invites both partners and therapists to engage with courage, compassion, and openness.

This workbook isn’t just about surviving the relationship during transition—it’s about thriving through it, and creating stronger, more authentic connections in the process. Whether you are a partner seeking guidance or a therapist looking to deepen your practice with clients with partners undergoing gender transition, this resource offers a powerful and necessary roadmap for navigating partnered relationships with empathy, self-acceptance, and love.

Let’s Continue the Conversation

If the ideas in this blog resonate with you or someone you care about, I invite you to take the next step. Whether you’re a therapist seeking support with integrating this workbook into your practice, or someone navigating the complexities of gender transition and looking for compassionate, affirming guidance, I’m here to help. You may book an individual therapy session or peer consultation with me to explore how we can build meaningful, affirming connections together. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to connect with me. And be sure to bookmark this blog for future book reviews and insights.

References

Maynard, D. M. (2019). The reflective workbook for partners of transgender people: Your transition as your partner transitions. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.