Book Review | What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic: Unpuzzling a Life on the Autism Spectrum by Annie Kotowicz

Introduction: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Unpuzzling Misconceptions

Annie Kotowicz’s What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic is a beautifully crafted memoir and guide that redefines autism as a neurotype rather than a set of deficits through the lens of her lived experiences. It is more than a story—it’s an invitation to unpuzzle what it means to live authentically as oneself. By interweaving personal anecdotes with accessible neuroscience, Kotowicz offers a reflective and deeply relatable exploration of what it means to be autistic in a world often ill-equipped to embrace neurodivergence.

As a neurodivergent therapist who supports trans+, nonbinary, and gender-expansive communities, Kotowicz’s reflections feel like a shared language—one that validates the complexities of navigating life with clarity and vulnerability. The book serves as a bridge between the individual and the collective, shedding light on the shared humanity of autistic experiences while honouring the individuality within those experiences.

Kotowicz challenges the reader to rethink common misconceptions about autism, moving away from pathologizing frameworks to a celebration of strengths and self-discovery. This is particularly resonant for neurodivergent therapists like myself, who are often working to deconstruct societal biases while creating safe, affirming spaces for clients. Her narrative underscores the beauty in difference and invites us to approach both ourselves and others with curiosity, compassion, and care.

Whether you are a clinician seeking guidance on integrating neurodivergence-affirming approaches, a person yearning for deeper self-understanding, or an ally looking to better support someone you care about, Kotowicz’s work offers a rare blend of emotional resonance and practical insights. Her words don’t just inform—they inspire, leaving readers with a sense of hope and possibility. Here’s why this book stands out—and why it should find its way into your hands.

Overview: A Model, Mirror, and Manifesto

Annie Kotowicz describes her book as “a model of how autism works, a mirror of how autism can feel, and a manifesto celebrating the beauty of autistic brains” (Kotowicz, 2022). This multifaceted purpose makes the book uniquely valuable to diverse audiences: therapists aiming to support neurodivergent clients, autistic readers seeking validation and self-understanding, and allies committed to fostering empathy and inclusion.

The book is structured around thematic chapters—such as Sensitivity, Stimming, and Relationships—that seamlessly integrate Kotowicz’s deeply personal reflections with broader, theory-informed insights. Each chapter unpacks a specific facet of the autistic experience, offering both relatable stories and practical frameworks for understanding autism as a neurotype. For instance, in the chapter on Sensitivity, Kotowicz explores the duality of sensory experiences, contrasting the delight of tactile pleasures with the overwhelm of sensory overload. Her descriptions of sensory joy—like the ecstasy of flickering firelight or the soothing textures of favourite objects—bring the reader into a rich sensory world while subtly addressing the challenges of living in an often overstimulating environment.

Kotowicz’s prose is marked by a rare blend of precision and lyricism, making her account both accessible and deeply moving. She has a gift for transforming complex concepts into digestible insights without losing nuance. For example, her explanation of autism as a neurotype rather than a disorder demystifies the condition, highlighting how unique brain wiring shapes sensory processing, social interactions, and emotional regulation. In doing so, she moves beyond clinical stereotypes, offering a more human and affirming narrative.

For therapists, Kotowicz’s model provides a framework for understanding how autistic traits manifest in different contexts and how external stressors influence behaviour. For autistic readers, her book is a mirror, reflecting the intricacies of their own experiences with both tenderness and strength. And for allies, it is a manifesto urging a shift from stigma and misunderstanding to celebration and inclusion.

Through her words, Kotowicz challenges readers to expand their understanding of autism—not as a puzzle to be solved but as a spectrum of diverse and beautiful ways of being. She gently guides us to see beyond behaviours and stereotypes, offering a textured portrait of autism that is as affirming as it is enlightening.

Key Takeaways for Therapists and Clients

Reframing Autism as a Neurotype, Not a Disorder

Kotowicz’s approach invites a paradigm shift. She challenges traditional deficit-based models of autism and instead frames it as a neurotype—an inherent way of experiencing the world. Rather than viewing autistic traits as problems to fix, she positions them as unique strengths shaped by equally unique challenges. This reframing aligns seamlessly with contemporary anti-oppressive therapy frameworks, particularly those rooted in neurodiversity and affirming care.

For clinicians, Kotowicz’s perspective is a call to action: move beyond the goal of “normalizing” behaviours and focus instead on fostering environments where clients feel safe exploring and expressing their authentic selves. This is especially resonant when working with trans+, nonbinary, and neurodivergent clients, for whom societal expectations often compound experiences of marginalization. By focusing on self-expression rather than conformity, therapists can empower clients to embrace their neurotype as a valid and valuable aspect of their identity.

The Power of Sensory Awareness

In the chapter “Sensitivity,” Kotowicz vividly explores the sensory worlds of autistic individuals, highlighting how sensory input can be both a source of joy and a trigger for overwhelm. She shares moments of profound sensory delight—like the embrace of sunlight against her skin or the soothing predictability of flickering firelight—contrasted with the discomfort of overstimulation, such as the pain of raindrops on her skin.

Therapists can use this insight to better understand how sensory experiences shape their clients’ daily lives and well-being. Identifying sensory triggers and joys offers a pathway to more effective interventions. For example, sensory grounding techniques, such as weighted blankets, calming textures, or predictable sensory inputs, can help clients manage overwhelm or enhance moments of relaxation. Kotowicz’s perspective also underscores the importance of validating clients’ sensory preferences, helping them feel seen and understood in their experiences.

Stimming as a Self-Regulation Tool

In Stimming, Kotowicz reframes self-stimulating behaviours as essential tools for emotional regulation, creativity, and even self-expression. Far from being behaviours to suppress, stimming is presented as a way for autistic individuals to process emotions, manage sensory input, and navigate stress.

Her practical suggestions—such as encouraging clients to explore intentional stimming as a grounding practice—are particularly valuable for therapists working with clients who experience sensory overwhelm or difficulty processing emotions. For example, a client may find relief in repetitive movements like rocking, flapping, or fidgeting, which can serve as soothing mechanisms during challenging moments. Kotowicz’s narrative also invites therapists to examine their own biases about “acceptable” behaviours, fostering a greater openness to understanding how stimming supports well-being.

The Role of Relationships and Community

In the chapter Relationships, Kotowicz highlights the importance of accepting diverse ways of connecting, particularly for autistic individuals who may find traditional social dynamics challenging. She shares personal experiences of finding meaningful friendships in online communities—spaces that offer greater accessibility and safety for those navigating sensory and social overwhelm.

This perspective can be transformative for clients who feel isolated or excluded from in-person social networks. Kotowicz encourages therapists to validate the depth and significance of online friendships, challenging the stigma that they are somehow less “real” than face-to-face connections. For clients, reframing these relationships as equally valuable can reduce feelings of inadequacy and foster a sense of belonging. Therapists can also support clients in identifying and building connections in spaces where they feel safe and valued, both online and offline.

The Beauty of Precision and Focus

Kotowicz’s celebration of autistic strengths, such as attention to detail, creative problem-solving, and deep focus, offers a refreshing perspective that counters narratives of deficiency. By highlighting these abilities, she empowers autistic individuals to see their traits as assets rather than flaws.

This reframing provides therapists with an opportunity to guide clients in recognising and harnessing their unique skills. For example, a client who struggles with big-picture planning may excel in tasks that require precision and analytical thinking. Therapists can help clients identify environments and activities where their strengths shine, fostering confidence and a sense of accomplishment. This shift from “what’s wrong” to “what’s right” can be particularly impactful in sessions with clients who have internalised stigma about their neurotype.

What Makes This Book Unique?

Kotowicz’s voice is both minimalistic and poetic, a rare combination that reflects her deep love for precision and her sensitivity to the nuances of language. Each sentence is meticulously crafted, inviting readers to linger over her words and discover meaning in what remains unsaid. This restrained yet evocative style creates a spaciousness that feels intentional, leaving room for readers to reflect on their own experiences or those of the autistic people they care about.

Her use of metaphors is particularly striking, imbuing the text with a sense of wonder. Describing autism as a mermaid’s existence—navigating the fluid worlds of water and land—captures the essence of living between neurodivergent and neurotypical spaces with a poignant beauty. This metaphor extends beyond a poetic device; it is a lens through which readers can understand the challenges and triumphs of balancing different ways of being. It’s an image that resonates with anyone who has ever felt out of place yet intrinsically whole.

Kotowicz also excels at weaving sensory imagery into her narrative, pulling readers into the embodied experience of autistic life. Her descriptions of sensory delight—such as the ecstasy of firelight or the tactile satisfaction of heavy bass notes—contrast powerfully with the discomfort of overstimulation, like the sharp pain of raindrops on skin. These vivid depictions not only bring the autistic experience to life but also foster empathy in readers who may not have considered the depth and complexity of sensory perception.

What further distinguishes What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic is its layered approach to storytelling. Kotowicz balances personal vulnerability with broader reflections, ensuring that the narrative feels both deeply intimate and universally relatable. Her ability to blend memoir with accessible neuroscience gives the book a unique dual appeal: it’s both a mirror for autistic readers and a guide for those seeking to understand and support them. This balance is particularly relevant for therapists, who can draw on her insights to enrich their practice while also gaining a deeper appreciation of their clients’ inner worlds.

Ultimately, Kotowicz’s voice is a testament to the strength of authenticity. Her willingness to explore both the beauty and the pain of her experiences invites readers into a space of connection, where the boundaries between self and other feel softened. Whether you are neurodivergent yourself or seeking to understand someone who is, this book offers not just information but a profound sense of belonging and validation.

Practical Applications for Therapy

Therapists can draw valuable insights from Kotowicz’s What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic to enhance their understanding of autism and provide more affirming care. The book’s blend of personal narrative and theory equips clinicians with tools to support neurodivergent clients in ways that honour their individuality and lived experiences.

• Enhance Empathy

Kotowicz’s vivid descriptions of sensory and emotional experiences invite therapists to step into the world of an autistic individual. Her ability to articulate the joys and challenges of sensory processing—from the ecstasy of tactile delights to the pain of overstimulation—provides a lens through which therapists can better understand their clients’ inner worlds. These insights can deepen empathy, particularly for therapists who are less familiar with autism, allowing them to approach sessions with greater compassion and attunement.

• Guide Psychoeducation

The book serves as a powerful resource for psychoeducation, offering clear and accessible explanations of key concepts like sensory processing, stimming, and masking. Therapists can use these explanations to demystify autism for clients, families, and even colleagues. For example, Kotowicz’s reframing of stimming as a healthy self-regulation strategy, rather than a behaviour to suppress, can help clients and their support systems re-evaluate their perceptions of these actions. This approach fosters understanding and reduces stigma, paving the way for more supportive environments both in and outside of therapy.

• Encourage Self-Advocacy

Kotowicz’s journey to understanding her needs is a powerful model for self-discovery and self-advocacy. Her candid reflections on identifying sensory triggers, setting boundaries, and finding strategies to thrive can inspire therapists to help their clients navigate similar processes. For instance, therapists can work with clients to develop scripts for requesting accommodations or explore tools like sensory kits to create personalised strategies for managing overwhelm. Kotowicz’s emphasis on embracing one’s neurotype offers a blueprint for empowering clients to advocate for their needs with confidence and clarity.

Conclusion: A Must-Read for Neurodivergent Allies and Advocates

Annie Kotowicz’s What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic is a profound testament to the strength, resilience, and beauty of autistic lives. Her words reclaim autism not as a limitation but as a rich and intricate way of being—one that offers unique challenges and unparalleled strengths. The book serves as a beacon for anyone looking to better understand and support neurodivergent individuals, offering insight, empathy, and practical wisdom.

For therapists, it provides more than just knowledge—it offers a roadmap for fostering affirming, inclusive spaces where clients feel seen, valued, and empowered. Kotowicz’s reflections encourage clinicians to challenge conventional frameworks and embrace neurodiversity-affirming approaches that prioritise authentic self-expression. Her practical insights and vivid descriptions of autistic life equip therapists with the tools they need to support their clients with compassion and skill.

For autistic readers, the book is a mirror that reflects validation and hope. Kotowicz’s stories celebrate the full spectrum of autistic experiences, from sensory delight to emotional resilience, reminding readers that they are not alone. Her journey of self-discovery inspires others to embrace their neurotype as a vital part of who they are.

And for allies, this book is an open door—a chance to step into the world of autism with curiosity and humility. Kotowicz’s poetic prose and grounded insights invite readers to set aside preconceived notions and instead approach autism as a source of richness and complexity, one that can deepen their understanding of themselves and the world around them.

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic is not just a book—it’s a call to action for a more inclusive, empathetic, and celebratory understanding of neurodivergence. Whether you are a therapist, an autistic individual, or an ally, this book has something meaningful to offer.

Continue the Convo

If the ideas in this blog resonate with you or someone you care about, I invite you to take the next step. Whether you’re a therapist seeking to integrate neurodiversity-affirming practices into your work or someone navigating the complexities of identity and self-discovery, we’re here to help. You can book an individual therapy session or peer consultation with us to explore how we can build meaningful, affirming connections together. And be sure to bookmark this blog for future book reviews and insights.

References

Kotowicz, A. (2022). What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic: Unpuzzling a Life on the Autism Spectrum. Neurobeautiful.