Book Review: Trans Love by Freiya Benson

Introduction

Trans Love: An Anthology of Transgender and Non-Binary Voices edited by Freiya Benson is more than just a collection of stories—it’s a lifeline, a source of validation, and a testament to the profound ways love can manifest in the lives of transgender and non-binary individuals. As a psychotherapist who specializes in working with Two Spirit, trans, nonbinary, queer, and ally adults and teens, this book speaks directly to the heart of my practice and the lives of those I support. Every day, I witness my clients’ unique challenges and triumphs as they navigate love in all its forms—self-love, familial acceptance, romantic relationships, or the building of supportive communities.

Trans Love is profoundly relevant because it does what few resources can: it captures the lived experiences of trans and non-binary people in their voices, presenting love not just as an abstract concept but as a tangible, powerful force that shapes and reshapes lives. The stories within this anthology are as varied as the individuals who contributed to them, reflecting the richness of trans and non-binary identities and the myriad ways love is experienced, sought after, and cherished.

For my readers—whether you are a fellow therapist, a client, or someone seeking to better understand the complexities of gender and love—this book offers something invaluable. It provides insights into the emotional landscapes of those who, despite facing societal marginalization, continue to love fiercely and authentically. It also offers a mirror for those who see themselves reflected in these stories, providing comfort and validation in knowing that they are not alone.

Why continue reading this review? Because within these pages lies the opportunity to connect more deeply with the experiences and resilience of trans and non-binary individuals. Whether you’re eager to enrich your understanding, find therapeutic resources that resonate, or simply immerse yourself in narratives of love and identity, Trans Love offers a journey worth taking. As I explore the impact this anthology has had on me and my work, you might just find that it holds the potential to resonate with you in profound and unexpected ways too.

Overview of the Book

Trans Love: An Anthology of Transgender and Non-Binary Voices is thoughtfully organized into six distinct parts, each delving into a different dimension of love as it is lived and experienced by trans and non-binary individuals. This structure not only provides a comprehensive exploration of love’s many facets but also allows readers to engage with the material in a way that feels both accessible and deeply personal.

Sex and Relationships: This section kicks off the anthology with a focus on the intimate and sometimes complicated dynamics of sexual and romantic relationships. It addresses the unique challenges and joys that trans and non-binary people encounter in their pursuit of love and connection. Essays like “First Dates and Sexual Preconceptions” by Freiya Benson confront the stereotypes and misconceptions that often accompany trans identities, offering an unflinching look at the vulnerability and strength required to navigate these spaces. The narratives here range from humorous and heartwarming to raw and introspective, creating a tapestry that reflects the diversity of trans love lives.

Non-Binary Love: In this section, the anthology shifts its focus to the experiences of non-binary individuals, exploring how love and relationships are navigated outside the traditional gender binary. The essays and reflections here challenge conventional notions of love, pushing the reader to consider love as a fluid and expansive force. Meg-John Barker’s “What Could Non-Binary Love Look Like?” is a standout piece that invites both non-binary individuals and allies to envision love in ways that break free from rigid gender norms. This section is particularly valuable for those in the therapeutic field, as it provides insights into how non-binary clients might experience and express love in ways that defy societal expectations.

Faith and Belief: Love is not only a human connection but also a spiritual experience for many. This part of the anthology delves into the intersection of faith, belief, and love within trans and non-binary lives. Stories like “2018 Love” by Sabah Choudrey bring to light the often-overlooked spiritual dimensions of trans experiences, showing how faith can be a source of strength and solace, as well as a site of conflict. This section is crucial for understanding how spiritual and religious identities intersect with gender identity, and it offers a nuanced perspective that can be especially enlightening for therapists working with clients who grapple with these complex layers.

Family and Friendship: The bonds of family and friendship are explored in this section, where the narratives reflect on the different forms of love that emerge within chosen families and supportive friendships. The stories here emphasize the importance of community and connection, particularly for those who may have been rejected by their families of origin. Essays like “Hiding from the World” by Freiya Benson poignantly capture the challenges of finding acceptance within these close relationships while also highlighting the resilience and strength that can emerge from these connections. For therapists, this section offers valuable insights into how to support clients in building and maintaining healthy, affirming relationships.

Self-Love: Perhaps the most transformative aspect of love for trans and non-binary individuals is the journey towards self-love. This section is a powerful exploration of how self-acceptance and self-compassion are cultivated, often in the face of significant societal and internalized challenges. Pieces like “Our Bodies Define Us” by Freiya Benson confront the realities of body image and identity, offering a raw and honest look at the path to embracing oneself fully. For anyone involved in mental health work, this section serves as a critical reminder of the importance of fostering self-love in clients, as it is often the foundation upon which other forms of love are built.

Love and All of Us: The final section of the anthology broadens the lens to consider love in a more universal context, tying together the themes explored in previous sections. It underscores the idea that, while trans and non-binary experiences are unique, they also share commonalities with the human experience of love. This section serves as a powerful conclusion to the anthology, reminding readers that love, in all its forms, is a unifying force that transcends boundaries. The inclusion of author biographies and further resources also makes this section a practical tool for readers who wish to delve deeper into the topics discussed.

Each section is prefaced with reflective pieces on love, setting the tone and guiding the reader through the diverse narratives that follow. The mix of essays, poems, and personal stories ensures that every reader can find something that resonates with them, whether they are looking for affirmation, understanding, or simply a deeper connection to the experiences of trans and non-binary people. Contributors range from emerging voices to established writers, providing a rich diversity of perspectives that highlight the complexity and richness of trans and non-binary lives.

For therapists, this anthology is not just a collection of stories—it’s a resource. The themes explored within each section are directly applicable to clinical practice, offering insights that can enhance the therapeutic process. Whether it’s using a specific story to help a client feel seen and understood or drawing on the broader themes to inform your approach to therapy, Trans Love is a book that can enrich your work and deepen your understanding of love in all its forms.

Themes and Highlights

Trans Love is rich with themes that explore the multifaceted experiences of love within the trans and non-binary communities. The anthology does more than just tell stories; it invites readers to consider how love intersects with identity, resilience, and community, offering a powerful reflection on what it means to love and be loved in a world that often marginalizes these identities.

Love and Identity

One of the most prominent themes in the anthology is the deep connection between love and identity. Many of the stories and essays explore how understanding and accepting one’s gender identity is integral to experiencing love—whether that’s self-love, romantic love, or love within a community. In “First Dates and Sexual Preconceptions,” Freiya Benson discusses the challenges trans women face in the dating world, particularly how societal expectations and misconceptions about trans identities shape their experiences of love and desire. This piece underscores the importance of identity in love, revealing how deeply intertwined they are, especially for those whose identities are often questioned or misunderstood by society.

Similarly, the essay “Our Bodies Define Us” by Freiya Benson touches on the theme of self-acceptance, illustrating how self-love can be a radical act of identity affirmation in a world that often tries to erase or invalidate trans bodies. This theme is critical for therapists working with trans and non-binary clients, as it emphasizes the need for validating and supporting clients in their journey towards self-acceptance.

Resilience Through Love

Resilience is another powerful theme that runs throughout the anthology. The narratives within Trans Love frequently highlight how love—whether it’s from a partner, a friend, or oneself—can be a source of strength in the face of adversity. The story “Gingerbread People” by Jo Green beautifully captures the everyday resilience found in long-term relationships between two trans individuals. It’s a tender portrayal of how love provides stability and support, even when the world outside might be harsh or unforgiving.

In “Detransition: A Love Story” by Evelyn Deshane, resilience is explored through the lens of personal growth and change. The narrative follows the complex journey of detransitioning, challenging the notion that love must remain static. Instead, it presents love as something that evolves alongside our understanding of ourselves, underscoring the resilience required to navigate such profound personal transformations.

Community and Chosen Families

The theme of community and chosen families is central to many pieces in the anthology. For trans and non-binary people, especially those who may have faced rejection from their families of origin, the concept of a chosen family is vital. This theme is poignantly explored in the essay “Hiding from the World” by Freiya Benson, where the author reflects on the importance of supportive friendships and communities in providing the love and acceptance that might be missing elsewhere.

The anthology also highlights how community love can be a lifeline, offering not just emotional support but also a sense of belonging. This is particularly evident in “The Bends” by Kaoru Sato, where the narrator’s relationships within their community help them navigate the complexities of love and identity. This theme is invaluable for therapists who work with clients who may be struggling with isolation or the loss of family support, as it reinforces the idea that love can be found and nurtured in many forms, not just through traditional family structures.

The Fluidity of Love

Trans Love challenges the traditional, rigid notions of love, emphasizing its fluidity and the ways it can be redefined outside of societal norms. In “What Could Non-Binary Love Look Like?” by Meg-John Barker, the author explores how love and relationships can exist beyond the gender binary, offering a fresh perspective on what it means to love in a non-conforming way. This piece is particularly thought-provoking for those who are interested in how love can be deconstructed and rebuilt to better fit the diverse identities of those involved.

This theme of fluidity is also present in “Explore Me” by Caleb Murray, where the author delves into the complexities of desire and attraction when traditional gender expectations are subverted. The story invites readers to think critically about how love and sexual attraction can be understood and experienced in ways that are inclusive of all bodies and identities.

Spiritual Love and Belief

The intersection of love with faith and spirituality is another compelling theme in the anthology. In “2018 Love” by Sabah Choudrey, the narrative explores how love can be a spiritual experience, particularly for those whose gender identity intersects with their religious or spiritual beliefs. This theme is crucial for understanding the full spectrum of trans and non-binary experiences, as it adds another layer of depth to how love is experienced and expressed.

For therapists, this theme offers insights into how to approach discussions of love and spirituality with clients, especially when these aspects of identity might be in tension with one another. It’s a reminder that love is not only a relational experience but also a spiritual one, capable of bridging the gap between deeply held beliefs and evolving identities.

Through these themes—identity, resilience, community, fluidity, and spirituality—Trans Love offers a profound and nuanced exploration of love as it is lived by trans and non-binary people. Each piece in the anthology adds a layer to our understanding of how love functions in these communities, making it an invaluable resource for therapists, allies, and anyone interested in the complex dynamics of love and identity. The diversity of voices and perspectives ensures that readers come away with a richer, more empathetic understanding of the many ways love can be experienced and expressed.

Voices and Perspectives

One of the most compelling aspects of Trans Love is the sheer diversity of voices and perspectives it brings together. The anthology includes contributions from a wide range of individuals, each offering a unique lens through which to view love and identity. This collection doesn’t just tell stories; it amplifies the voices of those who are often underrepresented or misunderstood in mainstream narratives, making it an invaluable resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of trans and non-binary experiences.

Diverse Contributors, Diverse Experiences

The contributors to Trans Love come from various backgrounds, identities, and life experiences. From emerging writers sharing their stories for the first time to more established voices in the trans and non-binary communities, the anthology captures a wide spectrum of perspectives. This diversity is crucial because it reflects the reality that there is no singular trans or non-binary experience of love; instead, there are countless ways that love can be felt, expressed, and understood.

For instance, the anthology includes the voice of Sabah Choudrey, whose narrative “2018 Love” blends the intersections of faith, gender, and love. Choudrey’s perspective as a queer Muslim offers a nuanced view of how spiritual beliefs can coexist and even enrich the experience of love in a trans or non-binary context. This is a powerful reminder that trans and non-binary individuals are not a monolith; they navigate love in ways that are informed by a multitude of cultural, religious, and personal factors.

In contrast, the work of Caleb Murray in “Explore Me” offers a raw and candid exploration of desire and bodily autonomy, challenging conventional narratives around gender and sexual attraction. Murray’s perspective as someone who defies traditional gender norms adds a critical voice to the anthology, pushing readers to reconsider their own assumptions about love and attraction.

The Power of Lived Experience

What makes these perspectives so valuable, particularly in a therapeutic context, is the authenticity and vulnerability that comes with lived experience. The stories in Trans Love are not theoretical musings on love; they are real, lived experiences that carry the weight of personal truth. For therapists, engaging with these voices can be a transformative experience. By hearing directly from trans and non-binary individuals, therapists can gain a deeper understanding of the unique challenges and joys their clients might face in their own relationships and self-perceptions.

For example, the anthology includes narratives from individuals who have experienced rejection, both from society and from within their own communities, yet have found ways to cultivate love and resilience. These stories can be incredibly powerful tools in therapy, offering clients relatable examples of how others have navigated similar struggles and emerged stronger.

Voices That Challenge and Inspire

The contributors to Trans Love don’t just share their stories; they also challenge readers to expand their understanding of what love can be. For therapists, these voices offer invaluable insights into the diverse ways that love can manifest in the lives of trans and non-binary people. They challenge the reader—and by extension, the therapist—to move beyond a binary understanding of love and to embrace the complexity and fluidity that these narratives reveal.

For instance, Meg-John Barker’s “What Could Non-Binary Love Look Like?” invites readers to question the very foundations of how we define love, urging a move away from rigid, binary conceptions towards a more inclusive, expansive understanding. This is particularly relevant in therapy, where clients may be grappling with the limitations of traditional relationship models that don’t fit their experiences or identities.

Inclusivity in Therapy

Incorporating the diverse perspectives found in Trans Love into therapeutic practice can help create a more inclusive and affirming environment for clients. By drawing on the real-life experiences shared in the anthology, therapists can better support clients in exploring their own identities and relationships in ways that are authentic to them. This might involve using the stories as a starting point for discussions about love, identity, and self-acceptance, or simply offering them as resources for clients who are seeking validation and understanding.

Moreover, the range of voices in Trans Love ensures that there is something in the anthology for everyone, whether they are seeking to better understand themselves, their partners, or the broader trans and non-binary community. This makes it not only a valuable resource for therapists but also a potential gift for clients—a book that they can turn to for comfort, inspiration, and a sense of belonging.

The voices and perspectives in Trans Love are as varied and vibrant as the individuals who contributed them. By bringing together such a diverse range of experiences, the anthology offers readers a richer, more nuanced understanding of what it means to love and be loved as a trans or non-binary person. For therapists, these voices are invaluable, providing insights that can inform and enhance their work with clients. Whether you are a therapist, an ally, or someone within the trans and non-binary community, the perspectives in this anthology will challenge you, inspire you, and remind you of the transformative power of love in all its forms.

Practical Applications for Therapists

Trans Love is more than just an anthology of stories—it’s a resource that therapists can utilize to enhance their practice, particularly when working with trans, non-binary, and gender-expansive clients. The real-life experiences shared in this book provide a unique opportunity for therapists to deepen their understanding of the challenges and triumphs these clients face, and to incorporate this understanding into their therapeutic work. Here’s how you can integrate the themes and stories from Trans Love into your practice:

Facilitating Conversations About Identity and Self-Love

One of the recurring themes in Trans Love is the journey toward self-love and identity affirmation. Stories like Freiya Benson’s “Our Bodies Define Us” offer a candid look at the struggles many trans and non-binary individuals face in coming to terms with their bodies and identities. These narratives can be powerful tools for facilitating conversations with clients who may be dealing with similar issues. For example, you could use Benson’s story to initiate a discussion on body image, self-acceptance, and the impact of societal expectations on self-worth. This can help clients feel seen and understood, providing a foundation for exploring their own journeys toward self-love.

Exploring Relationship Dynamics and Boundaries

The anthology’s exploration of various relationship dynamics—whether romantic, platonic, or familial—can be incredibly valuable in therapy. Pieces like “Gingerbread People” by Jo Green, which delves into the everyday aspects of a long-term relationship between two trans individuals, can serve as a starting point for discussions about relationship boundaries, communication, and mutual support. Therapists can use these narratives to help clients reflect on their own relationships, identify areas of strength, and address any challenges they may be facing. For clients struggling with boundary-setting, the stories in Trans Love can provide concrete examples of how boundaries can be negotiated and maintained in loving relationships.

Addressing Trauma and Resilience

Many stories in Trans Love touch on themes of trauma and resilience, offering insights into how love and community support can be sources of healing. For clients who have experienced trauma, whether related to their gender identity or other aspects of their lives, these narratives can be particularly resonant. For instance, using a story like “Detransition: A Love Story” by Evelyn Deshane in a session could help clients explore their own experiences of trauma, loss, and recovery. By discussing how the characters in these stories find resilience through love and community, therapists can support clients in identifying and building their own sources of strength.

Supporting Clients in Navigating Non-Binary Love

The anthology also provides valuable perspectives on non-binary love and relationships, challenging conventional norms and offering new ways of thinking about love beyond the binary. Meg-John Barker’s “What Could Non-Binary Love Look Like?” is an excellent resource for clients who may be struggling to fit their experiences into traditional models of relationships. Therapists can use this story to validate clients’ feelings and experiences, helping them to see that their ways of loving and being loved are not only valid but also beautiful. This can be especially empowering for clients who feel pressured to conform to societal expectations around gender and relationships.

Enhancing Cultural Competence

For therapists who may not have personal experience with trans or non-binary identities, Trans Love is an essential tool for enhancing cultural competence. The diversity of voices in the anthology offers a window into the lived experiences of trans and non-binary individuals, providing therapists with a deeper understanding of the specific challenges these clients may face. By integrating the stories from Trans Love into your practice, you can ensure that your approach is informed, empathetic, and responsive to the needs of your trans and non-binary clients.

Offering a Shared Resource

Finally, Trans Love can serve as a shared resource between therapist and client. Recommending this anthology to clients, or even reading and discussing specific stories together in session, can create a shared language and deepen the therapeutic alliance. The book’s accessible and varied format—encompassing essays, poems, and narratives—ensures that there is something for every client, regardless of where they are on their journey. This shared exploration can foster a sense of connection and validation, helping clients to feel less alone in their experiences.

Trans Love is a powerful tool for therapists working with trans and non-binary clients. Its diverse stories and themes offer practical ways to engage clients in meaningful conversations about identity, relationships, trauma, and resilience. By incorporating this anthology into your practice, you can provide a more affirming, supportive, and culturally competent therapeutic experience. Whether you use it to facilitate specific discussions, explore broader themes, or simply offer it as a resource for clients to explore on their own, Trans Love has the potential to enhance and deepen your work in profound ways.

Comparative Analysis with Other Works

When situating Trans Love within the broader landscape of anthologies that explore love, identity, and the experiences of marginalized communities, it becomes clear that this collection offers something distinct and powerful. Comparing Trans Love with works like Queer Love in Color by Jamal Jordan and Trans Bodies, Trans Selves edited by Laura Erickson-Schroth not only highlights the unique contributions of each but also underscores the importance of diverse narratives in the ongoing conversation about love and identity.

Queer Love in Color by Jamal Jordan

Queer Love in Color is a visually stunning anthology that showcases photographs and stories of LGBTQ+ couples and families of color. The book emphasizes the celebratory and empowering aspects of love within marginalized communities, particularly focusing on the intersection of race, gender, and sexuality. Jordan’s work captures the joy and beauty of queer love through a visual narrative that is both affirming and inspiring. It fills a critical gap by providing representation of queer people of color who are often underrepresented in media and literature.

While Queer Love in Color offers a powerful visual representation of love, Trans Love complements it by diving deeply into the complexities and nuances of love as experienced by trans and non-binary individuals. Where Queer Love in Color celebrates love through imagery and brief stories, Trans Love offers a textual exploration that delves into the emotional and psychological landscapes of its contributors. This makes Trans Love particularly relevant for therapeutic contexts, where understanding the lived experiences of trans and non-binary people is essential for effective support.

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves edited by Laura Erickson-Schroth

Trans Bodies, Trans Selves is a comprehensive resource that functions as a guidebook for trans people, covering a wide range of topics including health, legal issues, social experiences, and more. This book is an essential resource for trans individuals and their allies, providing practical advice and information across various aspects of life. However, its broad scope means that while it touches on many topics, it doesn’t delve as deeply into the personal and emotional experiences of love and relationships as Trans Love does.

Where Trans Bodies, Trans Selves provides essential information and practical guidance, Trans Love fills a different need: it offers a space for trans and non-binary people to share their personal narratives, focusing specifically on the complexities of love in its many forms. The emotional depth found in Trans Love complements the practical guidance of Trans Bodies, Trans Selves, making the two works excellent companions. Together, they provide both the information and the empathetic understanding that are crucial for supporting trans and non-binary individuals in all aspects of their lives.

Why Trans Love Stands Out

What sets Trans Love apart from other anthologies and resources is its singular focus on the experiences of love from the perspectives of trans and non-binary individuals. While Queer Love in Color and Trans Bodies, Trans Selves are each groundbreaking in their own right, Trans Love dedicates itself entirely to exploring how love—whether self-love, romantic love, or love within a community—is lived and expressed by those who often find their identities misunderstood or marginalized.

In a therapeutic context, Trans Love is particularly valuable because it offers a rich tapestry of stories that can be used to help clients see their own experiences reflected in the lives of others. This narrative-driven approach makes it a unique and powerful tool for fostering empathy, understanding, and connection in the therapeutic setting. By focusing specifically on love, Trans Love provides a lens through which therapists and clients alike can explore the profound ways that love intersects with gender identity, trauma, and resilience.

In summary, while Queer Love in Color and Trans Bodies, Trans Selves contribute significantly to the broader conversation about LGBTQ+ experiences, Trans Love occupies a unique and necessary space. It offers an intimate, narrative-rich exploration of love as it is experienced by trans and non-binary people, making it an essential resource for anyone looking to deepen their understanding of these communities through the lens of love.

Conclusion

Trans Love is an essential read for anyone dedicated to the mental health and well-being of trans and non-binary individuals. This anthology goes beyond acknowledging the challenges faced by these communities; it celebrates their resilience, joy, and profound capacity for love. The stories within offer not only validation but also a rich tapestry of experiences that resonate deeply with those navigating similar journeys. Whether you are a therapist aiming to deepen your understanding of trans and non-binary experiences, or someone seeking affirmation and connection, Trans Love will undoubtedly leave a lasting impact.

I highly encourage readers to borrow this book from their local library or purchase it from a queer-inclusive bookstore. Supporting local, independent shops not only helps sustain community-focused businesses but also fosters a more diverse and inclusive literary landscape. In Canada, you can find Trans Love at queer-friendly bookstores like Cross and Crows Books and Little Sisters in Vancouver, Glad Day Bookshop in Toronto, or Venus Envy, Halifax Bookmark, and Agricola Street Books in Halifax.

If the themes and stories in Trans Love resonate with you, consider exploring therapy with a gender-affirming therapist. You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation with trans and queer therapist Audrey Wolfe, RCC, or join the waitlist to work with me, Clayre Sessoms, RP, RCT, RCC, RCAT, CCC, ATR-BC. Our practice is committed to providing support that is not only affirming but also deeply informed by the lived experiences shared in works like Trans Love.

Stay engaged by following our blog for more book reviews and therapeutic resources tailored to Two Spirit, trans, non-binary, queer, and ally communities. Through these resources, we aim to continue fostering understanding, empathy, and support for all those on their unique journeys.

References

Benson, F. (Ed.). (2020). Trans love: An anthology of transgender and non-binary voices. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.

Erickson-Schroth, L. (Ed.). (2014). Trans bodies, trans selves: A resource for the transgender community. Oxford University Press.

Jordan, J. (2021). Queer love in color. Ten Speed Press.