Creating Virtual Safe Havens: Online Therapy as a Lifeline for Trans, Nonbinary, and Gender-Expansive Adults and Older Teens

A blind person accesses a Braille display on a computer keyboard

Introduction

When I was a teenager, the world around me felt heavy and confusing. I couldn’t quite find the words to explain what was happening inside me. But I found something extraordinary—an open door, a glowing portal to a world where others understood what I couldn’t yet articulate. I turned to the Internet, a vast web of connections, to help make sense of my feelings. And there, among the pixels and usernames, I found a community of other souls searching for the same understanding. Together, we formed one of the earliest online discussion boards for transgender women. It wasn’t just a forum; it was a lifeline, a beacon of hope in a world that too often felt hostile to our existence.

There was a palpable sense of safety in this digital haven—a knowing that we were all navigating the same uncertain waters. And in that shared experience, a bond was forged. It wasn’t the fleeting, disconnected chatter of Reddit threads or the sharp-edged debates that rage beneath YouTube videos. No, this was deeper—a collective breath, an exhale of relief that whispered, We are not alone. We are in this together, and that reassurance has carried me through the storms of life, where hostility still brews in the world offline.

It’s this sense of refuge and solidarity that inspired me to launch my private practice online, long before the pandemic shifted the world into digital spaces. Over the past few years, I’ve had the privilege of working with hundreds of individuals—transgender, nonbinary, and gender-expansive adults—who, like me, have found solace and strength in these nurturing online spaces. This blog post is a celebration of the safe havens we’ve created and sought out over the years, a testament to the resilience and ingenuity of our community in the face of a world that often denies us the space to simply exist.

The Evolution of Online Trans Spaces

The Internet didn’t just arrive—it unfurled itself across our lives, like a map of endless possibility, and for many transgender individuals, it was more than just a new technology. It was a revolution. In its early days, the Internet held a quiet power, a pulsing energy that offered what so few of us could find in the offline world: connection, belonging, and a place where we could begin to speak the language of our true selves. From the rudimentary bulletin board systems to the rise of forums, YouTube channels, and the unfiltered creativity of Tumblr, these digital platforms have been nothing short of lifelines.

In the early days, it wasn’t about likes, shares, or algorithms; it was about survival. Transgender people gathered in these spaces, not for visibility, but for validation. These online communities became a sacred space, where the fragments of who we were could be pieced together in the company of others who understood the journey. Dame-Griff (2023) captures this beautifully, noting that the rise of the Internet not only facilitated these life-saving connections but also fundamentally shaped the language of our movement (p. xx). It was online that many of us first encountered terms like “gender dysphoria” or “transition,” words that gave structure to what had once been a confusing storm of feelings inside us.

YouTube offered something even more intimate: faces and voices. There, trans vloggers spoke their truths into the camera, documenting not just their transitions, but the raw, unvarnished realities of their lives. The power of seeing someone like yourself, living through the same struggles and triumphs, cannot be overstated. Raun (2016) explains how these vlogs became living archives of transformation, offering a way to not only document bodily changes but to rewrite the narratives imposed on trans bodies by a world that often sees us as “other” (p. xx). These platforms became a stage, not for performance, but for reclamation—a way to stand in our truth and say, This is who I am.

And then there was Tumblr—wild, messy, beautiful Tumblr. It became the epicentre of queer creativity, a place where trans people could not only share their stories but create entirely new worlds. Here, gender was fluid, expansive, and free from the constraints that society tries to impose. It was, as Dame-Griff (2023) suggests, a place of revolution, where we didn’t just find our voices—we built a chorus.

These digital spaces weren’t just a refuge; they were a reckoning. A place where we could unlearn the lies the world had told us about who we were and begin the lifelong work of becoming. They were—and continue to be—spaces where we write, and rewrite, our narratives. And through it all, one message rang out louder than any other: You are not alone.

From Representation to Community: How Online Platforms Foster Healing and Growth

There is something profoundly sacred about telling one’s story—about weaving the threads of lived experience into a tapestry that says, Here I am. This is me. For transgender individuals, the ability to share our journeys online has been nothing short of revolutionary. To go from invisibility to representation, from silence to speaking our truths—this is how we begin to reclaim our stories, to rewrite the narratives that have been imposed on us by a world too quick to judge, too slow to understand.

Online platforms, like YouTube, have provided a sanctuary for this act of self-representation. It’s not just about documenting a transition, it’s about becoming, in full view of those who share your struggle. Raun (2016) speaks to the transformative nature of these platforms, describing how YouTube has offered trans people a stage upon which they can construct new identities—identities rooted in self-knowledge, self-compassion, and the unwavering support of a community that sees and honours them (p. xx). When we tell our stories, when we document the intricate, intimate process of our becoming, we do more than capture moments—we create connection. We build bridges between our own experiences and those of others, and in that connection, healing begins.

This is the heart of my virtual therapy practice. Just as YouTube allows trans individuals to lay bare their journeys for the world to see, my practice offers a private, safe haven where clients can explore their identities in a space that is nurturing, affirming, and profoundly supportive. There is no judgement here, no external gaze demanding explanation or justification. It is a space where you can be seen, fully, without having to perform or meet the world’s expectations of what “trans” looks like.

In online therapy, much like in the trans vlogs of YouTube, validation comes not just from the therapist but from the act of speaking one’s truth aloud. Here, clients can examine the parts of themselves that may have felt too vulnerable, too fragile, to show the outside world. And in that examination, they discover that these parts are not weaknesses, but strengths—sources of resilience, courage, and authenticity.

The healing that happens in this space is much like the communal healing that happens online: it is built on a foundation of shared experience, mutual respect, and the knowledge that our stories—our lives—matter. Just as trans people have used digital platforms to rewrite the narratives of our bodies and our identities, online therapy offers a place to rewrite the internal narratives that have kept us from living fully, authentically.

To speak your truth is to heal. To be seen in your truth is to grow. And in the digital sanctuaries we’ve created—whether through vlogs or virtual therapy rooms—healing and growth are not just possibilities, they are promises. They are the natural outcomes of a space where you are allowed to simply be.

The Therapeutic Potential of Online Spaces

Online spaces are not just realms of connection; they are portals to transformation. In these digital sanctuaries, healing is not confined by physical walls or geographical boundaries. It is expansive, reaching across the void, turning screens into windows where a deeper understanding of self begins to unfold. The Internet, once a tool for connection, has evolved into a vessel for profound therapeutic potential. It offers a space where the sacred work of self-exploration, growth, and healing can flourish, uninterrupted by the world’s constraints.

In the context of therapy, the screen is not a barrier. Rather, it is a bridge—a conduit through which therapist and client can meet, eye to eye, heart to heart. Weinberg and Rolnick (2020) speak to this, noting that videoconferencing creates an intimacy that transcends the physical distance between client and therapist (p. xx). And it is in this intimacy, this shared virtual space, that deep healing can take place.

In my practice, I’ve witnessed the magic that happens when a person feels truly seen, truly heard, and fully accepted—whether they are sitting in front of me in person or connecting with me through a screen. For trans, nonbinary, and gender-expansive individuals, many of whom have spent their lives navigating worlds that invalidate or misunderstand their identities, the online therapy room becomes a sanctuary. It is a place where they can breathe deeply, shed the armour they wear in their day-to-day lives, and allow themselves to be vulnerable.

In these online spaces, healing becomes a collaborative process, woven together by trust, understanding, and the shared goal of self-compassion. Clients come to the screen carrying their stories—the weight of past experiences, the questions about their future selves—and together, we unpack them. We explore the depths of their identities, untangle the threads of internalized oppression, and begin the work of building resilience.

There is something uniquely powerful about the online setting. It offers safety and comfort, allowing clients to explore their identities from a place of familiarity—their own homes. This can often ease the discomfort that sometimes comes with opening up in a physical office. In this virtual space, clients can take the time they need to process their experiences, feeling the support of an affirming presence on the other side of the screen.

And what happens in that space is nothing short of revolutionary. The online setting doesn’t diminish the therapeutic relationship; it amplifies it. It offers clients the opportunity to explore their identities without the distractions of the outside world. It creates a cocoon of safety, where healing can unfold organically, in their own time, at their own pace. It allows them to explore self-compassion, to nurture their emotional wounds, and to reclaim the parts of themselves that the world has asked them to hide.

In these digital spaces, trans and nonbinary clients are not just healing; they are reclaiming their power. They are discovering, perhaps for the first time, that they are worthy of love, of care, and of the space to simply be. And that, in itself, is a revolutionary act.

Building Offline Confidence: Online Therapy as a Stepping Stone

Online therapy, at its core, is more than a refuge. It is a launchpad—a sacred space where self-exploration blossoms into self-assertion, and quiet moments of introspection transform into bold steps taken in the outside world. It’s here, in this digital sanctuary, that the seeds of confidence are planted, nurtured, and readied to take root beyond the screen.

For many, the journey to self-discovery begins with a flicker of hope, a whisper of truth too often silenced by the noise of an unaccepting world. But online therapy offers something rare and powerful: a space where that whisper can grow into a resounding declaration. In this virtual landscape, there are no mirrors reflecting the judgments of society—only a reflection of the self, as seen through the lens of compassion, affirmation, and understanding. It is in this space that clients can unearth the courage to explore the fullness of their identities, piece by piece, without the weight of the world pressing against them.

And here’s the magic: this isn’t where the journey ends. Online therapy is not just a place to explore; it is a place to prepare. As clients learn to embrace themselves in the safe cocoon of the virtual world, they begin to gather the strength, the clarity, and the conviction to step into the offline world with their heads held high. This is the alchemy of online therapy—the way it turns tentative exploration into confident action.

The journey mirrors the evolution of those early online platforms, where trans individuals first practiced being their authentic selves in the anonymous safety of digital communities. Much like how bulletin boards, forums, and chat rooms provided space to rehearse our identities before stepping into the light of day, online therapy offers the same precious opportunity. Nicolazzo, Jones, and Simms (2023) note that these online communities served as a vital training ground, allowing trans individuals to practice embodying their identities before fully stepping into their offline lives (p. xx). In this digital space, our clients practice self-love, self-advocacy, and self-expression. They learn that their identity is not something to be whispered about in the shadows—it is something to be celebrated, shouted from the rooftops of their lives.

Each session, each conversation, each revelation brings them one step closer to bridging that gap between who they are online and who they wish to be offline. The self they’ve nurtured behind the screen slowly begins to make its way out into the world—through a conversation with a friend, a moment of self-advocacy at work, or the tender, courageous act of coming out to a loved one. Online therapy becomes the rehearsal space where clients practice their lines, and the offline world becomes the stage where they step out, not as actors, but as their most authentic selves.

In this way, online therapy is not an end—it is a beginning. A beginning of new chapters in clients’ lives where they no longer have to hide, where they no longer need to fit themselves into the small boxes the world has tried to offer them. Instead, they walk into the world, as they are, with confidence born of a process that started in the safety of an online room and flourished in the vastness of the world outside.

From Digital to Physical Spaces: The Importance of Offline Community Building

The Internet, in all its vastness, offers us refuge—a place to grow, to connect, to find our people. But it is not the final destination. It is a waypoint, a sacred space where we can gather strength and clarity before stepping into the wider world. While online spaces have provided many of us with the first taste of belonging, of validation, of community, they are not the end of the journey. We are called, ultimately, to move beyond the screen and into the tangible, to build communities in the physical world that reflect the same affirmations we found online. The digital world plants the seeds, but the physical world is where we must sow them.

It’s a truth that those who have lived between these spaces know all too well: no matter how powerful our digital connections, there comes a time when we crave the warmth of a shared physical presence. We seek not just to be seen, but to stand side by side with those who walk the same path. Furman and Mardell (2022) remind us of the necessity of creating affirming physical spaces—places where LGBTQIA+ individuals can not only exist, but thrive (p. xx). These are spaces that say, “You are welcome here. You belong here.” They are spaces of revolution—where we defy a world that tells us we do not belong by building one that cannot exist without us.

In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen the power that comes from making this transition—from the digital to the physical, from the internal to the external. My online therapy practice is not just a virtual haven; it is a stepping stone, a place where trans, nonbinary, and gender-expansive individuals can confront the fears and uncertainties that come with the territory of living authentically in a world that still resists our existence. It is a space where we prepare, where we cultivate the courage needed to take that first step into affirming physical spaces, knowing that we do not walk alone.

The move from digital to physical is not a simple one. It takes time. It takes grace. It takes moments of reflection, healing, and readiness. And that is the gift of online therapy—it gives clients the opportunity to process these shifts in a space that is affirming, compassionate, and unwavering in its support. As they navigate their fears, work through their internalized doubts, and prepare for the world outside, online therapy offers them a place to build the foundation of self-assuredness that will carry them forward.

And when they are ready—when the time comes to step out of the virtual world and into the physical—they do so with a deeper sense of who they are. They walk into affirming community spaces, no longer questioning their worth but knowing it in their bones. They seek out the kind of spaces that Furman and Mardell (2022) describe—spaces where community is not just built, but cherished; spaces where identity is not just accepted, but celebrated. And in those spaces, they find something transcendent: they find that the world is wide enough to hold all of who they are, in both digital and physical form.

It is in the intertwining of these two worlds—the digital and the physical—that true community building takes place. Online therapy is the bridge that helps clients cross from one to the other, giving them the tools and the support they need to claim their place in the world, both online and off. And when they do, it is not just a personal victory. It is a testament to the strength of our community, a revolution born from the act of simply showing up, in every space, as we truly are.

Conclusion: A Call to Connect

The Internet, for so many of us, has been a beacon in the darkness—a lifeline when the world around us seemed intent on keeping us in the shadows. It has been a sanctuary where we could piece together the fragments of our identity, surrounded by the strength of a community that sees us, that understands the beauty and complexity of our journeys. But the Internet is more than a refuge; it is a launching point. It is the place where our stories begin to unfold, where we build the courage to step into the fullness of who we are, both online and in the physical world.

My virtual therapy practice stands as a continuation of this legacy—a space where trans, nonbinary, and gender-expansive adults can come to explore, heal, and grow. It is more than a service; it is a commitment. A commitment to creating a safe, affirming space where you can do the deep work of discovering yourself, unlearning the narratives that have held you back, and building the resilience you need to live authentically. Here, you are not just a client—you are part of a movement towards healing, towards self-compassion, towards liberation.

I invite you to take this step. To connect with me, not just as a therapist, but as someone who understands the profound importance of these online sanctuaries. Whether through individual therapy, consultations, or simply conversations, I am here to walk alongside you as you navigate your journey. Together, we can create a space where you feel safe to explore your identity, challenge the fears and doubts that may linger, and emerge stronger, more confident, and more at peace with who you are.

The work we do together is not just about survival—it is about thriving. It is about standing in your truth, about reclaiming the parts of yourself that the world may have tried to diminish. It is about finding joy in your identity and sharing that joy with others, both online and in the physical world. Because when we connect—when we truly see each other, support each other, and believe in each other—we create a revolution. A quiet, powerful revolution of self-acceptance and love.

Let us continue the work. Let us build together. Let us rise—quietly, steadily, and with unshakable confidence—into the fullness of who we are. The journey begins here, in this digital space, and it extends far beyond, into the world we are shaping, one connection at a time.

References

Dame-Griff, A. (2023). The Two Revolutions: A History of the Transgender Internet. New York University Press.

Furman, A. N., & Mardell, J. (2022). Queer Spaces: An Atlas of LGBTQIA+ Places and Stories. RIBA Publishing.

Nicolazzo, Z., Jones, A. C., & Simms, S. (2023). Digital Me: Trans Students Exploring Future Possible Selves Online. Rutgers University Press.

Raun, T. (2016). Out Online: Trans Self-Representation and Community Building on YouTube. Routledge.

Weinberg, H., & Rolnick, A. (2020). Theory and Practice of Online Therapy: Internet-delivered Interventions for Individuals, Groups, Families, and Organizations. Routledge.

Disclaimer: This blog offers general educational information and does not constitute professional advice or establish a therapist-client relationship. Please consult a healthcare provider for personalized guidance. Any decisions based on the content are the reader’s responsibility, and Clayre Sessoms Psychotherapy assumes no liability. All case studies are hypothetical with fictional names and do not reflect actual people. We prioritize your privacy and the confidentiality of all of our clients. We are committed to maintaining a safe, supportive space for 2SLGBTQIA+ community care.

Clayre Sessoms is a trans, queer, and neurodivergent Registered Psychotherapist (RP), Certified Sensorimotor Psychotherapist, and Board Certified Art Therapist (ATR-BC), offering online therapy for trans*, nonbinary, queer, and 2SLGBTQIA+ allied adults and teens across Canada. With a deep commitment to trauma-attuned gender-affirming care, Clayre integrates talk therapy, experiential collaboration, and creative expression to support clients to grow, heal, or navigate change. When not working with clients or supervising newly-licensed therapists, Clayre finds solace in nature, where she recharges her creativity and compassion.

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