Communication Strategies for Engaging Individuals with Strong Emotional Responses

Introduction

Navigating relationships can be intricate, especially when emotions run deep and resonate intensely. For individuals who experience what I affectionately refer to as “big emotions,” connecting authentically often calls for a specific kind of care—one that honours the depth of their emotional worlds with empathy, patience, and understanding. Those of us supporting individuals with these intense experiences know that creating meaningful communication is just as much about how we listen as it is about what we say.

As a psychotherapist dedicated to working with trans, nonbinary, and queer adults, I’ve come to see that communicating with individuals who have big emotions demands not only a compassionate approach but also a commitment to inclusivity and anti-oppression. From my experiences and the experiences of my clients, I’ve learned that emotional sensitivity is often shaped by intersecting identities, social contexts, and unique life histories. Many individuals who face systemic barriers—be it due to gender, race, or mental health stigmatization—may carry heightened emotional awareness or reactivity, making it essential for therapy to acknowledge these intersections. A gender-affirming, anti-oppressive approach ensures that the care provided is not just empathetic but also deeply respectful of each client’s lived reality.

This post draws on evidence-based therapeutic approaches, including Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) and Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT), to provide practical tools for engaging with individuals who experience strong and sensitive emotions. DBT’s focus on mindfulness, validation, and emotional regulation (Linehan, 1993) offers concrete techniques that foster stability and reduce distress, while MBT’s emphasis on understanding mental states (Allen, 2013) encourages us to see beyond surface behaviours to the thoughts and feelings that drive them. By building on insights from DBT and MBT, as well as other relational frameworks, this post offers strategies that therapists, caregivers, and loved ones can use to strengthen their connections with individuals who feel deeply.

Whether you’re a fellow therapist seeking guidance for inclusive practice, a support person hoping to build meaningful bonds, or someone curious about creating safe and respectful spaces for people with big emotions, I invite you to explore these communication strategies. We’ll examine each technique through the lens of anti-oppressive and gender-affirming care, recognizing that true connection is both an art and an ethical commitment.

Validation as a Foundation for Connection and Trust

When we work with individuals who experience intense emotions, validation becomes a cornerstone of communication. True validation is more than a simple agreement or placating words; it is the intentional acknowledgment of another person’s emotional reality. This process involves attuning to their feelings and offering responses that affirm their experiences as legitimate and valuable (Linehan, 1993). For instance, saying, “I understand that this is painful for you,” not only respects the person’s experience but also holds space for their emotions without reinforcing potentially unhelpful behaviours. Validation, particularly within therapeutic relationships, fosters trust and rapport, essential elements when previous experiences of invalidation may have left a person questioning their self-worth (Fruzzetti, 2006).

Practical Application in Therapy

In practice, I frequently use DBT’s GIVE skill (Linehan, 1993) to guide how I validate clients’ emotions, particularly when those emotions feel overwhelming or misunderstood by others. GIVE serves as an acronym and a framework, providing a practical, supportive approach to validating feelings:

•Gentle approach: Avoiding criticism or harsh tones to maintain a respectful and safe space.

•Interested: Showing genuine interest in what the client is sharing to convey their experiences matter.

•Validate: Recognizing and affirming their feelings, regardless of how intense or complex they may be.

•Easy manner: Adopting a calm and open demeanour to invite safety and transparency in the interaction.

For many clients, especially those within Two Spirit, trans, and queer communities, validation carries an added dimension of affirming their identities. Often, these individuals’ experiences fall outside the frameworks of cisnormative or heteronormative narratives, and their stories may have been dismissed or marginalized by others. In these cases, validation does more than build rapport—it serves as a direct counter to the systemic invalidation they may have faced, whether in medical, social, or familial contexts (Kreisman & Straus, 2021). Acknowledging this context is essential to creating a therapeutic environment that not only hears their stories but celebrates their unique journeys and identities.

Enhancing Validation with Mindful Awareness

Validation is deeply rooted in mindfulness, as it requires us to be fully present and nonjudgmental toward both our clients’ experiences and our own reactions to them. Fruzzetti (2006) emphasizes that, when we validate, we need to be mindful of our own biases and responses to ensure our approach remains client-centred. This is particularly true when working with individuals who experience big emotions, as their reactions may evoke strong responses in us as therapists. Practising mindfulness in these moments enables us to respond with clarity and compassion, ensuring that we are not unconsciously imposing our own perspectives but rather supporting the client’s self-discovery.

Beyond Words: Non-Verbal Validation

Non-verbal cues are equally powerful tools for validation, especially for individuals who may be sensitive to subtleties in communication due to past experiences of exclusion or marginalization. A calm tone, open posture, and steady eye contact convey a level of acceptance that words alone might not achieve. For some clients, this non-verbal validation is essential, as it signals a willingness to “be with” them in their experience rather than trying to fix, change, or minimize it (Allen, 2013). This approach is particularly impactful in gender-affirming care, where clients may have faced non-verbal invalidation through dismissive gestures or avoidance from others in their lives.

Through both verbal and non-verbal validation, we help individuals with big emotions feel truly seen. In a therapeutic context, this kind of connection supports the client in feeling safer to express their vulnerabilities, encouraging a fuller exploration of their emotions and experiences. For Two Spirit, trans, and queer clients, this experience of comprehensive validation is not only therapeutic but can also be deeply healing, providing a space where all aspects of their identity are acknowledged, valued, and supported.

Setting Compassionate Boundaries with Empathy

Boundaries are integral to creating a therapeutic space that feels safe and sustainable for both the client and the therapist. Rather than functioning as rigid barriers, effective boundaries act as flexible, respectful containers that support emotional safety. For individuals with big emotions, boundaries introduce a sense of predictability and stability, essential factors in helping them manage and understand their responses. Alan Fruzzetti’s insights into validation within high-conflict relationships (2006) highlight the role of compassionate boundaries in de-escalating tension and facilitating trust. When we communicate boundaries with empathy, such as by saying, “I’m here to support you, but I need to ensure that this conversation remains respectful for both of us,” we demonstrate care without judgment, allowing clients to feel supported even as limits are maintained.

The Role of Boundaries in Emotional Regulation

Setting boundaries is particularly beneficial for clients who may experience intense emotional reactions, as it helps them navigate overwhelming situations with clearer guidelines. Boundaries encourage clients to explore emotional regulation within a defined framework, where expectations are transparent and mutual respect is emphasized. For example, in Fruzzetti’s approach to high-conflict relationships, he discusses how boundaries can be introduced in a way that minimizes defensiveness and fosters self-awareness (2006). This strategy aligns well with anti-oppressive frameworks, as it emphasizes respect and agency for both the client and the therapist, reinforcing that all individuals deserve a space where their needs and limits are recognized.

Practical Example in Therapy

Imagine working with a client who frequently grapples with feelings of abandonment—a common experience among those with big emotions and a history of complex relational dynamics (Kreisman & Straus, 2021). If you need to take a brief break during a session, setting a boundary with empathy can help prevent these feelings from being triggered. By saying something like, “I care about you and want to be here for you, but I need to step out for a few moments,” you communicate that your brief absence is not a dismissal but a necessary moment for self-care. This compassionate boundary not only honours the client’s feelings but also models healthy relational dynamics where both parties’ needs are valued.

Building Boundaries as a Shared Process

In anti-oppressive and gender-affirming care, boundaries should be constructed as a shared process that acknowledges both the therapist’s and client’s agency. Collaborative boundary-setting can involve inviting the client into the conversation about limits, asking questions like, “What would make you feel most supported during times when I might need a moment?” This approach emphasizes that boundaries are not imposed unilaterally but are co-created based on mutual respect and understanding. Such a method is particularly empowering for clients from marginalized backgrounds, who may have had limited control over relational boundaries in the past (Bray, 2023). By involving them in boundary-setting, we validate their autonomy and contribute to a therapeutic space where they feel respected and engaged.

Reinforcing Boundaries with Non-Verbal Cues

Non-verbal communication also plays a crucial role in boundary-setting, especially when working with clients who may be highly sensitive to subtle shifts in tone or body language. A calm, steady tone and open posture can reinforce the intent behind a boundary without seeming punitive or dismissive. This non-verbal reinforcement helps clients interpret boundaries as supportive rather than restrictive. For example, calmly saying, “Let’s pause for a moment,” with a gentle tone and open body language can effectively signal the boundary while conveying empathy and understanding (Allen, 2013). In doing so, we help clients experience boundaries as consistent and caring elements of the therapeutic relationship.

Ultimately, setting compassionate boundaries is about balancing support with structure, showing clients that their needs and emotions matter, while also modelling healthy relational practices. When boundaries are introduced with empathy and mutual respect, they offer a path toward more trusting and stable therapeutic relationships, benefiting both the therapist and the client in their journey together.

Mentalization: Fostering Understanding Through Reflection

Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) is a powerful approach that centres on the capacity to reflect on and understand our own and others’ mental states. It offers clients a framework to explore what lies beneath the surface of intense emotional reactions, promoting both self-awareness and empathy. For individuals who experience big emotions, mentalization provides a way to examine not just what they feel, but why they feel it—a transformative shift that can create space for more thoughtful and less reactive interactions. In therapeutic settings, mentalization might involve asking reflective questions such as, “What do you think was happening for you when this feeling arose?” or “Could there be another way to interpret this situation?” (Allen, 2013). These questions help clients develop an internal narrative that contextualizes their emotions, making them less overwhelming and more understandable.

Encouraging Emotional Perspective-Taking

A core aim of mentalization is to cultivate perspective-taking, both toward oneself and others. When clients understand that their emotions stem from complex thoughts, memories, and experiences, they become better equipped to hold compassion for themselves and others. This skill is particularly relevant for clients who may have felt dismissed or misunderstood by others, as it allows them to reinterpret interactions through a more nuanced lens. According to Allen (2013), perspective-taking encourages emotional flexibility, which is essential for individuals who may otherwise feel trapped in cycles of emotional reactivity. For Two Spirit, trans, and queer clients, mentalization can be affirming as it acknowledges the multifaceted nature of their experiences, which may have been historically simplified or misinterpreted by others.

Case Illustration: Moving from Reaction to Understanding

In one of my sessions, a client who often felt invalidated by family members recounted a recent conflict. They described feeling hurt and overlooked, leading to a heated argument that left them feeling emotionally exposed. By guiding this client through mentalization, I encouraged them to explore not only their own feelings but also consider their family member’s possible perspective. We used questions like, “What might your family member have been feeling in that moment?” and “How do you think they interpreted your reaction?” This exploration allowed the client to step back and see the situation as a complex interplay of emotions rather than a one-sided experience of rejection. Through this reflective process, the client shifted from feeling solely hurt to developing empathy toward their family member. This change fostered a new sense of resilience, empowering them to approach future interactions with less reactivity and more understanding.

The Role of Mentalization in Developing Emotional Resilience

Mentalization is also a significant tool for building emotional resilience. By helping clients understand that emotions are influenced by interpretations and perspectives, we enable them to engage with their feelings more constructively. Clients begin to see their emotions as signals rather than unmanageable truths, a distinction that can be liberating for those with big emotions. As Kreisman and Straus (2021) emphasize, individuals who have experienced invalidation or misunderstanding often benefit from the insight that their feelings are valid responses to complex mental processes. This validation reinforces that emotions are a natural part of being human, not something to be controlled or suppressed.

Practical Integration of Mentalization in Therapy

In an anti-oppressive framework, mentalization supports the therapeutic process by validating clients’ unique ways of understanding the world, particularly for those whose identities may have been marginalized or pathologized. Practising mentalization in therapy could involve regular reflection exercises, where clients are invited to journal or discuss what they believe prompted specific emotional responses. Additionally, during sessions, therapists can model mentalization by sharing reflections like, “I wonder if there might be another way to see this situation” or “It sounds like both your feelings and the other person’s were complicated by past interactions.” This technique fosters a sense of curiosity rather than judgment, empowering clients to engage with their emotions rather than feel controlled by them.

Through the lens of mentalization, individuals who experience big emotions can gain not only a better understanding of their reactions but also an ability to navigate relationships with greater confidence and empathy. For many clients, particularly those in marginalized communities, this skill is invaluable in creating supportive connections that respect and honour their full emotional realities.

Collaborative Problem-Solving for Building Trust and Empowerment

Collaborative problem-solving is a transformative approach in therapy, inviting clients to co-create solutions that resonate with their needs and lived experiences. By actively involving clients in decision-making, this method fosters a sense of agency, particularly crucial for those with big emotions who may feel overwhelmed or misunderstood. For clients who have felt that their voices were minimized—whether due to past trauma, marginalization, or systemic oppression—collaborative problem-solving is an affirming practice that communicates, “Your perspective matters, and together, we can find a way forward.”

Engaging in collaborative problem-solving also reinforces that the client’s emotions and insights deserve consideration and respect, which is especially empowering for trans and nonbinary clients. Often, these individuals face systemic invalidation that can lead to self-doubt and feelings of invisibility. In therapy, when clients see that their ideas and preferences directly shape the course of their sessions, they experience a sense of validation that extends beyond the therapeutic space (Paris & Chapman, 2008). This experience reminds them that they are active participants in their healing journey and not simply recipients of care.

Therapeutic Strategy: Questions to Invite Collaboration

Collaborative problem-solving begins with open-ended questions that invite clients to share their insights, needs, and ideas for making the therapeutic space feel safer and more productive. In my practice, I frequently ask clients questions like, “What do you feel would help you in this moment?” or “How can we work together to make this situation feel safer for you?” These questions empower clients to voice their preferences and reflect on what is most supportive for them in each session.

For instance, a client might respond with a request for more time to process their thoughts before receiving feedback or may suggest specific grounding techniques that help them feel centred during difficult conversations. This collaborative approach not only personalizes the therapeutic experience but also affirms clients’ expertise in their own lives. It aligns with anti-oppressive practices by ensuring the therapy process respects and adapts to each client’s unique needs and strengths.

Supporting Agency in Clients with Marginalized Identities

For clients from marginalized backgrounds, particularly trans and nonbinary individuals, collaborative problem-solving is not only a therapeutic technique but also an act of empowerment. In a world that often silences or sidelines their voices, participating in their own healing process becomes a means of reclaiming agency. By involving clients in decisions and acknowledging their contributions, we actively counteract the systemic narratives that may have suggested their experiences were unworthy of validation.

This practice is reinforced by the work of Paris and Chapman (2008), who highlight the importance of client agency in therapeutic settings. They note that client involvement reduces defensiveness and builds mutual respect, which is essential when working with individuals who may have faced relational trauma or systemic oppression. For Two Spirit, trans, and queer clients, collaborative problem-solving helps bridge the gap between therapist and client, positioning therapy as a partnership rather than a hierarchical relationship.

Integrating Collaborative Problem-Solving into Therapeutic Practice

Incorporating collaborative problem-solving into sessions can be as simple as pausing periodically to check in with clients about their comfort and satisfaction with the session’s direction. For example, asking, “Is there anything you’d like us to approach differently?” or “Are we focusing on what feels most helpful to you?” offers clients regular opportunities to adjust the therapeutic process. This approach helps them feel that their needs and feelings are prioritized, reinforcing trust and openness.

Moreover, collaborative problem-solving extends beyond verbal communication. Non-verbal cues like nodding, maintaining an open posture, and showing attentiveness to clients’ input signal a willingness to adapt and listen. These small gestures contribute to an environment where clients feel genuinely valued, further enhancing their trust in the therapeutic relationship.

Through collaborative problem-solving, therapists can foster a therapeutic environment that is both empowering and affirming. This approach underscores the message that clients are not passive participants in their healing but rather active contributors, whose insights and emotions shape the journey. For clients navigating big emotions, particularly those whose identities have been historically marginalized, collaborative problem-solving provides an essential framework for building self-efficacy and trust—both in therapy and beyond.

Radical Openness and Emotional Flexibility

Practising Radical Openness (RO-DBT) involves a commitment to staying receptive to new perspectives and fully embracing the spectrum of emotions—especially those that feel overwhelming or complex. Marsha Linehan’s work in Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) (1993) underscores the importance of flexibility, particularly for clients who experience intense emotions. Radical Openness (RO) invites both therapists and clients to lean into discomfort and engage with emotional responses as valuable, rather than something to avoid or suppress. When we respond with statements like, “I’d love to hear more about how you’re feeling,” we create a welcoming space where clients can express themselves without fear of judgment. This openness encourages them to explore emotions authentically, fostering self-acceptance and understanding.

Cultivating Emotional Flexibility

Emotional flexibility is a core tenet of RO-DBT, emphasizing the ability to adapt to changing emotional landscapes without being overwhelmed. This approach helps clients see their emotions as transient experiences that don’t define them, which is particularly valuable for individuals with big emotions who may feel their identities are enmeshed with their intense emotional responses. Practising emotional flexibility enables clients to “ride the wave” of their emotions, allowing them to experience their feelings fully while remaining grounded. For example, in moments of frustration or sadness, RO-DBT encourages clients to acknowledge these emotions as they are, exploring them without the pressure to change or contain them immediately (Linehan, 1993).

Inclusive Application in Gender-Affirming Therapy

Radical openness offers a safe haven for clients who may feel marginalized or pressured to “tone down” or “conform” to societal expectations. Two Spirit, trans, and queer clients, in particular, often navigate societal messages that suggest certain emotions or expressions of identity are “too much” or “inappropriate.” By embracing RO in therapy, we create an environment where all emotions—regardless of their intensity—are welcome. This inclusive approach encourages clients to express their full identities and emotional selves, reinforcing the idea that their feelings are valid and manageable within a supportive, non-judgmental space.

In therapy, RO can look like inviting clients to bring their full range of emotions to each session, exploring even those that might feel socially unacceptable. This can be especially empowering for clients who have faced stigma around their identity and emotional expression. By actively validating their right to feel everything from anger to joy without reservation, we challenge oppressive narratives that may have constrained their self-expression. This inclusivity aligns with anti-oppressive frameworks by affirming that all emotions are essential parts of the human experience, deserving of respect and curiosity (Fruzzetti, 2006).

Practical Strategies for Implementing Radical Openness in Therapy

Practising Radical Openness with clients can begin with simple but meaningful invitations, such as saying, “Feel free to share whatever comes up, no matter how big or intense.” Statements like these signal that all emotions are acceptable, alleviating clients’ fear of judgment. Encouraging clients to express emotions as they arise also models that these feelings are manageable and that the therapeutic space is equipped to hold even their most intense responses. For trans and nonbinary clients, this invitation to share their experiences authentically—without filtering—is an affirmation of their right to fully occupy the space as they are.

RO-DBT also promotes the idea of “self-enquiry,” where both therapist and client engage in a curious, non-judgmental exploration of emotions as they arise. This practice aligns with the mindfulness components of DBT, where staying present and observing without immediate reaction allows clients to deepen their understanding of their emotional patterns. For example, if a client expresses frustration or anger, an RO approach might involve exploring the origins and meaning of that anger together, rather than attempting to redirect it or “fix” it.

Building Emotional Flexibility and Resilience Through RO

For clients with big emotions, the practice of Radical Openness can be a transformative pathway to building resilience. By learning to tolerate and explore their feelings without impulsively reacting, clients gain a sense of mastery over their emotional lives. Emotional flexibility, in this context, doesn’t mean suppressing emotions; rather, it means allowing oneself to experience them without being ruled by them. This approach validates that emotional intensity is not a weakness or a flaw but an integral part of the human experience that can be embraced and understood.

Through Radical Openness, we foster a therapeutic environment where emotions are not only welcomed but are also seen as crucial sources of insight. For clients navigating big emotions, particularly those from marginalized backgrounds, RO affirms that their full range of emotional expression is a vital part of their identity, deserving of acceptance and respect. This practice ultimately strengthens the therapeutic relationship, providing a foundation of trust where clients feel free to be wholly themselves, knowing they are met with empathy, curiosity, and openness.

Conclusion

In connecting with individuals who experience big emotions, we are reminded of the profound power of presence, empathy, and shared humanity. These communication strategies—validation, compassionate boundaries, mentalization, collaborative problem-solving, and radical openness—go beyond therapeutic techniques; they are ways of honouring the dignity, depth, and complexity within each person. Practising these approaches means more than offering support; it means creating a space where individuals feel seen, valued, and safe to explore their emotional landscapes fully.

By embracing these strategies, we acknowledge that big emotions are not obstacles to be managed but essential parts of a person’s experience that reveal strength, vulnerability, and resilience. Through this approach, we cultivate trust and acceptance, allowing clients to feel empowered within their unique identities and narratives. For individuals, particularly those in trans, nonbinary, and queer communities, these affirming practices help foster connection and understanding, providing a foundation where each person’s voice and experience is met with compassion and respect.

When we choose to connect in this way, we build bridges across differences, dismantle barriers of judgment, and foster a deeper sense of belonging. These practices invite us all to move closer to a vision of therapy—and relationships—where every emotional experience is held with care and each person is honoured as they are.

Continue the Convo

If the ideas in this blog resonate with you, I warmly invite you to connect with me. Whether you’re a therapist seeking to deepen your practice, or someone navigating big emotions and looking for support, I’m here to help. You may book individual therapy sessions or peer consultations online. Be sure to bookmark this blog for future insights, reflections, and updates.

References

Allen, J. G. (2013). Mentalizing in the development and treatment of attachment trauma. Routledge.

Bray, S. (2023). Borderline personality disorder workbook. Rockridge Press.

Fruzzetti, A. E. (2006). The high conflict couple: A dialectical behavior therapy guide to finding peace, intimacy, and validation. New Harbinger Publications.

Kreisman, J. J., & Straus, H. (2021). I hate you—Don’t leave me: Understanding the borderline personality (3rd ed.). Penguin Random House.

Linehan, M. M. (1993). Skills training manual for treating borderline personality disorder. The Guilford Press.

Paris, J., & Chapman, A. (2008). Treatment of borderline personality disorder: A guide to evidence-based practice. The Guilford Press.