Book Review: The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy by Steph Jones

Introduction

Therapy can be a daunting task for those of us with neurotypes that don’t fit the accepted standards of traditional therapeutic models. For autistic and neurodivergent individuals, the process of finding a therapist who truly “gets it”—who understands the unique ways we process information, perceive the world, and express ourselves—is not just important; it’s essential. Starting off on the right foot in therapy is deeply important for building therapeutic rapport and getting the most out of the experience. When we’re understood from the beginning, therapy becomes a space where we can explore, heal, and grow authentically, rather than a place where we feel like we’re constantly explaining ourselves or being misunderstood.

This is where “The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy” by Steph Jones, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers in 2024, comes in. Written by an autistic therapist for autistic people, this book is an invaluable resource for anyone looking to navigate therapy in a way that truly aligns with their neurodivergent experience. The book is filled with relatable stories, humor, and expert guidance, helping readers find their footing in a therapeutic world that can often feel like it wasn’t designed for them.

As Jones aptly puts it on the book jacket, “This is the book that would’ve saved me nine different therapists, decades of self-analysis, thousands of pounds, twelve different doctors, and untold amounts of pain, frustration, and trauma—in spending a lifetime looking for the right answers in the wrong places, I’ve become an accidental expert.” This guide can help ensure that your first—or next—therapeutic experience is one that fosters understanding, growth, and genuine connection, rather than frustration and missteps.

Overview of the Book

“The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy” by Steph Jones is a comprehensive and invaluable resource that acts as both a guide and a companion for autistic individuals navigating the often bewildering landscape of therapy. Jones, an autistic therapist herself, draws upon her personal experiences, professional insights, and extensive research to craft a book that is both deeply informative and highly relatable. This dual perspective gives the book its unique strength: it is not just a manual written from a clinical standpoint, but a heartfelt exploration of the real-world challenges faced by autistic people in therapy.

Jones’s primary goal in writing this guide is to empower autistic individuals to take control of their therapeutic experiences. She starts by debunking common myths and misconceptions about autism, especially those that affect therapeutic practices. Through the lens of her own journey—one filled with multiple misdiagnoses, ill-fitting therapeutic approaches, and countless frustrating experiences—Jones emphasizes the importance of self-advocacy in therapy. The book guides readers through understanding what to look for in a therapist, how to spot red flags, and how to choose alternative therapeutic approaches that align better with autistic needs. Jones emphasizes that therapy should not feel like a series of failed attempts to be “fixed,” but rather a collaborative journey where the therapist and client work together to build trust, safety, and understanding.

One of the book’s standout qualities is its ability to educate both autistic clients and the therapists who work with them. Jones provides a robust critique of the shortcomings of traditional therapeutic models when applied to neurodivergent clients. For therapists, the book serves as a wake-up call to reassess their practices, develop a deeper understanding of neurodiversity, and adopt more flexible, inclusive, and compassionate approaches. Jones introduces the concept of “neurotypical fragility,” challenging therapists to move beyond their comfort zones and to understand therapy from the perspective of autistic clients. She stresses the need for therapists to actively learn from autistic voices, rather than relying solely on outdated or stereotypical notions of autism. This makes the book an essential read not only for autistic individuals but also for mental health professionals committed to providing effective, respectful, and attuned care.

The book is structured in a way that makes it accessible and user-friendly. It starts with an introduction to the author’s own experiences and the motivation behind writing the book—highlighting her realization that therapy, as it is often practiced, can sometimes do more harm than good to autistic clients. From there, Jones takes the reader on a journey through key areas that are crucial for any autistic person seeking therapy. These include understanding one’s own sensory and emotional needs, recognizing the potential for miscommunication or misinterpretation in therapy, and identifying specific therapeutic approaches that might be more accommodating for neurodivergent clients.

Jones does not shy away from addressing the hard truths about therapy for autistic people. She includes a content warning at the beginning of the book due to discussions around sensitive topics like mental health, suicide, and suicidal ideation. This transparency is refreshing and sets the tone for a book that is honest, direct, and unapologetically real. Throughout the book, Jones provides examples of her own therapeutic encounters, both good and bad, and uses these stories to illuminate broader lessons for the reader. Her candidness about her own struggles in therapy serves to validate the experiences of other autistic individuals who may feel that they have been misunderstood or let down by the mental health system.

What truly sets this book apart is its focus on practical strategies and solutions. Jones does not just critique the system; she offers concrete advice on what can be done to improve therapy for autistic clients. She delves into different therapeutic modalities, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), evaluating their pros and cons through an autistic lens. She also introduces alternative therapies, such as art therapy, music therapy, and nature-based therapies, which may better accommodate the sensory and communication needs of autistic clients. This pragmatic approach ensures that the book is not just a critique, but a constructive guide to finding what works.

Another key component of the book is its focus on “red flags” in therapy—warning signs that a therapist may not be a good fit or that a particular approach might be harmful. Jones provides a detailed list of these red flags, which include therapists who lack understanding of neurodiversity, who impose their own interpretations on autistic behaviors without seeking clarification, or who fail to provide necessary accommodations. By providing these red flags, Jones equips readers with the tools to identify potential harm and advocate for themselves in therapeutic settings.

Ultimately, “The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy” is more than just a book; it is a call to action. It encourages autistic individuals to reclaim their narratives, understand their needs, and demand the respect and understanding they deserve in therapeutic relationships. For therapists, it is an invitation to listen, learn, and adapt their practices to truly serve their autistic clients. With its blend of humor, personal narrative, scientific insight, and practical advice, Steph Jones has created a guide that is not only a vital resource but also a beacon of hope for neurodivergent individuals looking for meaningful, supportive therapy.

Key Concepts Covered in the Book

1. Myths, Misdiagnoses, and Misunderstandings

One of the foundational themes in “The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy” is the pervasive issue of myths, misdiagnoses, and misunderstandings surrounding autism within therapeutic settings. Jones delves into how many autistic individuals, particularly those diagnosed later in life, are often misdiagnosed with conditions like anxiety, depression, or personality disorders. She attributes these misdiagnoses to a widespread lack of training among therapists in recognizing the diverse ways autism presents itself—especially in adults and those who have learned to mask their traits. Jones explains, “Before being correctly diagnosed, most autistic people will have been incorrectly labelled with a psychiatric disorder which in many instances may be secondary to autism—a consequence of being undiagnosed, suppression of self, inauthenticity, or maladaptive coping strategies” (Jones, 2024, p. 57). This section emphasizes the need for therapists to move beyond stereotypes and develop a nuanced understanding of autism’s many manifestations.

2. Trauma and Autism

Jones provides an in-depth examination of trauma and its unique impact on autistic individuals. She discusses how the intersection of trauma and autism can complicate the therapeutic process, especially given the increased vulnerability of autistic people to trauma due to sensory sensitivities, social misunderstandings, and navigating a world that often feels inherently hostile. Traditional approaches to trauma therapy, such as those developed with neurotypical clients in mind, may not be effective for autistic individuals. “Autistic people may be biologically at greater risk for trauma due to our heightened sensory processing and the pervasive invalidation of our experiences,” she notes (Jones, 2024, p. 68). Jones argues for more personalized therapeutic approaches that take into account the sensory and cognitive experiences of autistic clients, which are often overlooked in standard therapeutic models.

3. Sensory and Perceptual Differences

The book provides a thorough exploration of how unique sensory and perceptual experiences affect the therapeutic needs of autistic individuals. Jones introduces several key concepts, such as weak central coherence (difficulty integrating pieces of information into a coherent whole), delayed processing (taking longer to understand and respond to information), and the “double empathy problem” (the mutual misunderstanding that occurs between autistic and neurotypical people). These concepts highlight the potential for miscommunication and misunderstanding in therapy sessions, which can be detrimental if not properly addressed. Jones emphasizes, “Therapists need to understand that our sensory and cognitive experiences shape how we interact with the world, and they must adapt their approaches accordingly” (Jones, 2024, p. 89). This section is particularly valuable for therapists unfamiliar with these sensory differences and for autistic clients seeking to better understand their experiences in therapy.

4. Problems with Traditional Therapies

In her critique of traditional therapeutic methods, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic therapy, Jones outlines why these approaches often fall short for neurodivergent clients. These methods typically rely on neurotypical ways of thinking, processing, and communicating that may not align with the lived experiences of autistic individuals. For instance, CBT’s emphasis on cognitive restructuring may be challenging for those who think in more literal or concrete terms. Jones advocates for more flexible, creative, and client-centered approaches, like art therapy, music therapy, and trauma-informed care, which can be more accommodating for autistic clients. She writes, “Many traditional therapies are like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole; they were not designed with autistic clients in mind and therefore require significant adaptation to be truly effective” (Jones, 2024, p. 105).

5. Red Flags in Therapy

One of the most practical sections of the book is where Jones outlines the “red flags” that autistic clients should watch for in therapy. She explains how some therapists, through a lack of understanding or unconscious bias, may unintentionally harm autistic clients by making assumptions based on stereotypes or failing to provide necessary accommodations. Jones provides real-life examples of poor therapeutic practices, such as a therapist dismissing a client’s sensory needs or interpreting autistic behavior through a neurotypical lens without seeking clarification. “Clients should trust their instincts if they feel unheard, invalidated, or uncomfortable,” she advises, “and consider these as possible red flags indicating that the therapeutic relationship may not be conducive to their well-being” (Jones, 2024, p. 124). This guidance is invaluable for those seeking a safe and supportive therapeutic environment.

6. Choosing the Right Therapy and Therapist

Jones dedicates a significant portion of the book to helping autistic clients choose the right therapist and therapeutic approach. She encourages clients to seek out therapists who are open to understanding neurodivergence, willing to learn, and capable of providing appropriate accommodations. Jones emphasizes the importance of finding a therapist who not only has the right knowledge but also exhibits genuine empathy and adaptability. She provides a practical “Top 10 Tips for Selecting a Therapist” that covers everything from initial consultations to assessing a therapist’s openness to feedback. “Finding the right therapist is like dating,” she notes. “It’s about finding someone who you feel comfortable with, who listens, and who is willing to adapt their methods to your unique needs” (Jones, 2024, p. 137).

7. Neurotypical vs. Neurodivergent Therapists

The debate about whether autistic clients should seek out neurodivergent therapists is thoughtfully explored in the book. Jones weighs the benefits of shared lived experiences with a neurodivergent therapist against the potential for shared blind spots or biases. She concludes that while shared neurotype can lead to deeper understanding, the most important factors are the therapist’s willingness to learn, their openness to feedback, and their ability to adapt their practice to meet the client’s needs. “The ideal therapist, neurotypical or neurodivergent, is one who can approach the therapeutic relationship with curiosity, empathy, and flexibility,” Jones asserts (Jones, 2024, p. 148).

By covering these key concepts, “The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy” provides a roadmap for autistic individuals and therapists alike to build more effective, compassionate, and neurodivergent-friendly therapeutic relationships. Jones’s book serves as both a practical guide and a call to action for more inclusive and understanding mental health practices.

Why This Book Stands Out

“The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy” by Steph Jones is not just another guide on navigating therapy; it is a groundbreaking work that reshapes how therapy for autistic individuals is conceptualized and practiced. The book stands out for several reasons, making it an essential read for both autistic individuals seeking therapy and therapists committed to providing more inclusive care.

1. Bridging the Gap Between Research and Real Life

One of the most compelling aspects of Jones’s book is how it bridges the often-wide gap between academic research and the lived experiences of autistic individuals. While much of traditional therapy literature tends to be theoretical and research-driven, Jones combines rigorous academic research with firsthand experience as an autistic therapist and client. This dual perspective allows her to present a nuanced understanding that is both intellectually robust and deeply personal. As she writes, “I’ve spent a lifetime looking for the right answers in the wrong places, and through that process, I’ve become an accidental expert” (Jones, 2024, p. 5). This blend of research and personal insight makes the book a rare gem in the therapy field.

2. Relatability and Empathy

Jones’s writing style is another reason the book stands out. It is engaging, filled with humor, and grounded in empathy, making even the most complex concepts accessible and easy to understand. She uses personal stories and anecdotes to illustrate her points, ensuring that readers feel seen and understood. This approach resonates particularly well with autistic individuals who may have felt alienated or misunderstood in more conventional therapeutic settings. For example, her recounting of awkward and frustrating experiences with various therapists adds a layer of authenticity and relatability that many readers will find comforting. She talks about these experiences with a frankness that is both refreshing and validating: “It’s not so much that I regret my journey… but in spending a lifetime looking for the right answers in the wrong places, I’ve become an accidental expert” (Jones, 2024, p. 19).

3. Practical, Actionable Advice

While many books on therapy provide abstract guidance, Jones goes a step further by offering practical, actionable advice that readers can immediately apply. Whether it’s recognizing “red flags” in therapy, choosing the right therapist, or exploring alternative therapeutic approaches, each section is packed with useful tips that are grounded in both science and lived experience. This practical approach ensures that the book is not only informative but also a hands-on tool that readers can use to navigate their own therapeutic journeys more effectively. For instance, Jones provides a “Top 10 Tips for Selecting a Therapist” that breaks down what to look for during initial consultations and how to assess a therapist’s fit based on neurodivergent needs (Jones, 2024, p. 137). This kind of clear, step-by-step guidance is rare in therapy literature and makes the book an indispensable resource.

4. Challenging the Status Quo in Therapy

“The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy” challenges the status quo of traditional therapeutic practices by highlighting the gaps in training and understanding that many therapists have when it comes to working with autistic clients. Jones is unafraid to call out these shortcomings, encouraging therapists to “step beyond their comfort zones” and genuinely listen to autistic voices. She emphasizes that many of the prevailing therapy models were created by neurotypical practitioners for neurotypical clients, which often leads to misunderstandings and ineffective care for neurodivergent individuals. Jones’s call for a more inclusive and adaptive approach is a crucial contribution to the conversation on how therapy should evolve to better serve diverse needs: “Neurodivergent people shouldn’t be an add-on or an afterthought to traditional therapies not designed for our brains in the first place” (Jones, 2024, p. 24).

5. Inclusivity and Diversity in Focus

A significant strength of the book is its emphasis on inclusivity and diversity within the autistic and broader neurodivergent communities. Jones acknowledges that autism does not look the same for everyone and that the spectrum includes a wide range of experiences and needs. She is careful not to speak for all autistic people but instead creates space for multiple voices and perspectives. This inclusivity extends to recognizing intersectional issues, such as how race, gender, and other identities intersect with being autistic. By including a range of stories and voices, Jones ensures that the book reflects the diversity of the autistic community. This approach not only educates readers but also fosters a sense of belonging and validation for those who may not see themselves represented in more general autism literature.

6. A Call to Action for Therapists and Clients Alike

Another element that sets this book apart is its dual audience: it is both a guide for autistic clients and a call to action for therapists. Jones’s message is clear: for therapy to be effective and healing, both parties must engage in a process of learning, unlearning, and adapting. She invites therapists to examine their biases, expand their knowledge, and adopt more flexible, creative, and compassionate approaches. At the same time, she empowers autistic clients to advocate for themselves, recognize when a therapeutic relationship is not working, and seek out the care they deserve. This dual approach creates a dynamic, forward-thinking dialogue that is both challenging and hopeful.

7. A Revolutionary Perspective on Neurotypical Fragility

Jones introduces the concept of “neurotypical fragility,” a term she uses to describe the discomfort and defensiveness some neurotypical therapists experience when their traditional approaches are questioned by autistic clients. She encourages therapists to push past this fragility and to see it as an opportunity for growth and understanding. This is a revolutionary perspective that could reshape therapeutic practices, making them more inclusive and effective. As Jones states, “Therapy isn’t about making autistic clients fit into a neurotypical mold; it’s about creating a space where both parties can learn, grow, and thrive together” (Jones, 2024, p. 158).

8. A Hopeful, Empowering Narrative

Despite addressing many challenging and often painful topics, the book maintains a hopeful and empowering narrative throughout. Jones does not shy away from the difficulties autistic individuals face in therapy, but she also emphasizes the possibility of finding a therapist who truly understands and supports them. Her own story, woven throughout the book, is a testament to resilience and self-advocacy, inspiring readers to believe in the potential for healing and growth within the right therapeutic environment.

Conclusion

“The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy” stands out as a pioneering work that combines rigorous research, personal experience, humor, and empathy to offer a comprehensive and transformative guide to therapy for autistic individuals. It is a must-read for anyone who is autistic, anyone who loves someone who is autistic, and any therapist who wants to provide more compassionate and effective care. By blending practical advice with a bold call for systemic change, Steph Jones has created a guide that is not only a valuable resource but also a powerful catalyst for redefining what therapy can and should be.

To experience the full benefit of this resource, you can borrow the book from your local library using the BC government website or purchase it from local bookshops like Cross and Crows Books, Little Sisters in Vancouver, Glad Day Bookshop in Toronto, or Halifax Bookmark in Halifax, NS. While I am not an affiliate of these bookstores, I believe in supporting local, queer-inclusive bookstores across Canada. By purchasing from these independent shops, you not only support community-focused businesses but also help foster a more diverse and inclusive literary landscape.

If you’re searching for therapists who deeply understand the neurodivergent experience and provide the kind of informed, flexible, and compassionate care that Steph Jones advocates for in her book, consider working with Audrey Wolfe, RCC, or myself, Clayre Sessoms, RP, RCT, RCC, RCAT, CCC, ATR-BC. Both Audrey and I are neurodivergent, and we are passionate about working with clients who have Autism, AuDHD, and other neurodivergent profiles.

You can book a free 15-minute consultation with Audrey Wolfe, RCC, here. Audrey’s session fee is $150 CAD. If you are interested in working with me, you can join my waitlist here. My session fee is $200 CAD.

We are committed to providing supportive, affirming, and effective therapy for neurodivergent clients, and we look forward to supporting you on your therapeutic journey.

Reference

Jones, S. (2024). The autistic survival guide to therapy. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.