Introduction
Navigating identity in today’s world can be challenging for anyone, but for non-binary individuals, the journey comes with unique complexities and triumphs. Jamie Windust’s In Their Shoes captures these nuances with grace, wit, and unflinching honesty, offering readers a vivid and intimate glimpse into the life of a non-binary person. With stories that oscillate between deeply personal reflections and broader social commentary, Windust deftly navigates themes of visibility, acceptance, and self-expression.
For readers of this blog—whether therapists working with gender-diverse clients, individuals on their own journey of self-discovery, or allies seeking a deeper understanding of gender diversity—this book serves as both an educational tool and a source of affirmation. It’s a reminder that while each person’s experience with gender is unique, the longing for visibility and authenticity is universal. Windust’s candid account challenges the binary norms that dominate public discourse while opening the door for discussions around how non-binary individuals navigate the tension between personal freedom and societal expectations.
The book not only serves as a reflective mirror for non-binary individuals but also offers invaluable insight for therapists like myself who are working to create more inclusive and affirming spaces. For Canadian therapists, the challenges Windust highlights resonate with the need for a more robust, intersectional approach to care—one that recognizes the diverse lived experiences within the non-binary community. As Canada continues to push for greater inclusivity in healthcare and mental health services, In Their Shoes offers a timely and thoughtful perspective on what true gender-affirming care can look like.
Overview
Jamie Windust’s In Their Shoes unfolds as a series of essays, each oscillating between humorous anecdotes and raw emotional reflections, weaving together a rich tapestry of non-binary experiences. The collection of stories is striking in its ability to balance vulnerability with strength, wit with sincerity, and individuality with collective struggle. From the outset, Windust grounds the reader in the concept of empathy, inviting us to step into their shoes—both figuratively and literally—creating a powerful metaphor that permeates the entire book. This initial framing asks readers not only to understand non-binary identity from an intellectual standpoint but also to feel, on a visceral level, what it means to navigate the world outside the binary.
What sets this book apart is its ability to traverse the deeply personal alongside the socio-political. Windust’s narrative is grounded in their own lived experiences—whether recounting the nerve-wracking decision to wear a velvet skirt to dinner or reflecting on the erasure of non-binary identities in the media and public discourse. These personal stories are not isolated but are connected to broader themes of societal marginalization, political advocacy, and the pervasive challenges of living authentically in a world that often demands conformity.
The essays delve into topics that many non-binary individuals will find relatable: the internal tug-of-war between wanting to express one’s true self and the external pressures to “fit in” or be palatable to society. Windust’s reflections on fashion, for instance, are more than just musings on style—they are emblematic of the freedom and restriction that non-binary individuals experience daily. Fashion becomes a battleground where identity is both asserted and questioned, a theme that resonates deeply with clients in therapy who grapple with how they present themselves to the world while navigating the scrutiny of societal norms.
Beyond the personal, Windust also examines larger socio-political issues, such as the exclusion of non-binary people from governmental forms and data collection—a stark reminder of how systems and institutions perpetuate erasure. For Canadian therapists and clients, this echoes the ongoing struggle for visibility and inclusion within healthcare systems that often fail to recognize gender-diverse individuals. The intersection of personal narrative and political advocacy is where In Their Shoes shines, offering readers not only a window into Windust’s world but also a call to action for greater societal change.
Windust’s storytelling is as fluid as their gender identity, moving effortlessly between light-hearted humour and moments of profound introspection. It is this balance that makes the book so engaging—readers are invited to laugh, reflect, and sometimes mourn the realities of a world that continues to push non-binary identities to the margins. Whether addressing the complexities of family relationships, the nuances of gender expression, or the broader challenges of being non-binary in a gendered world, Windust’s voice is clear, compassionate, and unapologetically authentic.
Key Themes: Identity, Visibility, and Resilience
One of the most powerful aspects of In Their Shoes is the way Jamie Windust addresses the tension between visibility and safety, a theme that threads through many of the essays. Visibility is presented as a double-edged sword: while stepping into the public eye can feel empowering and affirming, it can also expose non-binary individuals to increased scrutiny, harassment, and microaggressions. Windust articulates how fashion became a crucial aspect of their gender expression—a form of self-empowerment and autonomy—but it also became a battleground, where the freedom to present their true self was constantly met with societal judgment.
The motif of wearing a long coat, which Windust references throughout the book, serves as a compelling metaphor for both protection and vulnerability. The coat shields them from harsh gazes and hostile comments, yet it also reveals the fragility of needing that protection in the first place. This recurring theme resonates strongly with the experiences of many Two Spirit, trans, and non-binary clients, for whom gender expression is a deeply personal, yet public, act of self-discovery and self-assertion. For therapists, this theme can open up rich discussions with clients about the complexities of living authentically in a world that often does not allow for nuance. It’s an opportunity to explore how safety, identity, and self-expression are intertwined, especially when clients feel forced to choose between visibility and protection.
Windust’s reflections on fashion extend beyond individual choices—they illustrate how clothing becomes a tool for survival in a world that enforces rigid gender norms. For many gender-diverse clients, clothing is not just about style but about navigating a world that reads and responds to visual cues. In therapy, these insights can help clients unpack their own relationships with clothing and how external presentation impacts their internal sense of self. This theme also speaks to how gender-diverse individuals often walk a fine line between embracing their identities and managing the risks that come with being visibly different. For Canadian therapists working in gender-affirming care, these discussions can be particularly relevant as they relate to both emotional resilience and external safety in a culture still grappling with inclusive policies and practices.
Windust’s commentary on the socio-political climate in the UK adds a broader dimension to the book, offering sharp and insightful critiques of how non-binary identities are excluded from public policy, media representation, and societal recognition. This political commentary is not just background noise—it’s central to understanding the daily struggles faced by non-binary individuals in a world that often erases them from the narrative. Windust’s reflections on this erasure can spark meaningful conversations in therapy, particularly for non-binary clients who feel unseen or invalidated by systems that claim to be progressive but fail to address their specific needs.
For therapists working in Canada, Windust’s commentary offers a comparative lens that highlights the shared struggles across different national contexts. While Canada has made strides in gender-affirming care and public policy, there are still significant gaps, particularly in healthcare systems that often fail to fully recognize or accommodate gender-diverse populations. The challenges Windust highlights, such as exclusion from public forms or lack of media representation, are mirrored in the Canadian experience. This underscores the importance of advocacy—both on an individual level, where therapists support clients in navigating these barriers, and on a systemic level, where there is a need for more inclusive and intersectional policies.
Moreover, Windust’s nuanced discussion of resilience—without romanticizing the concept—is another theme that stands out. While many narratives focus on the idea of “overcoming” challenges, Windust’s story acknowledges that resilience for non-binary people is often about survival, about learning to navigate a world that isn’t built to support them. This theme is critical for therapists working with gender-diverse clients, as it invites a shift away from framing resilience as an expectation or a triumph and instead centres it as a reality of daily life for many non-binary individuals. By normalizing the complexities of resilience—its emotional toll, its exhaustion—therapists can create space for clients to process the difficulties they face without feeling the pressure to always “rise above” or be “strong.”
Application in Therapy
Therapists working with non-binary clients may find Jamie Windust’s reflections on familial relationships particularly poignant and valuable for deepening therapeutic conversations. Windust writes candidly about the emotional complexities of coming out and how their family’s hesitance, and at times refusal, to engage with their non-binary identity created a rift. This personal narrative can help therapists explore the concept of “chosen family” with clients, offering a supportive framework for those who feel isolated or unsupported by their biological families. Many non-binary and trans* individuals face familial rejection or a lack of understanding, making the discussion of chosen family essential in therapy. Therapists can support clients in seeking affirming communities where their identities are fully recognized and celebrated.
Windust’s exploration of resilience—although they avoid using the term directly—centres around survival through self-expression, a theme that aligns well with body-centred therapies such as Sensorimotor Psychotherapy or Focusing-Oriented Therapy. These therapeutic approaches emphasize reclaiming agency through the body and its presentation, helping clients reconnect with their inner selves in empowering ways. Windust’s reflections on how fashion became a tool for survival and self-definition offer a practical example of how clients can use their bodies, clothing, and other forms of creative expression to assert their identity and reclaim control in environments that may feel unsafe or invalidating.
For non-binary and trans* clients, In Their Shoes serves as a powerful and affirming resource. The book acknowledges both the pain and the joy that accompany gender exploration, normalizing the feeling of being “in between” identities. This is particularly significant for clients who may feel pressure to fit into binary categories or find themselves questioning where they belong within the larger gender spectrum. Windust’s honesty about navigating these uncertainties can help therapists normalize the fluidity and complexity of gender identity, allowing clients to feel less alone in their experiences.
One particularly potent therapeutic theme in the book is the use of fashion as a form of self-care. Windust’s experiences illustrate how fashion became a way to embody their non-binary identity, not just for the external world but for their own sense of self. This theme can be especially useful for art therapists and psychotherapists, who can draw on Windust’s insights to support clients in discovering their own unique modes of creative expression. Whether through fashion, art, or other mediums, clients can be encouraged to explore how self-expression—both in its private and public forms—serves as a therapeutic outlet for processing emotions and reclaiming their identities.
Additionally, Windust’s reflections on coming out and family dynamics can be used as a tool for exploring boundaries and expectations in therapy. Clients may struggle with familial pressure to conform to binary expectations or feel guilt for disappointing family members who resist accepting their non-binary identity. These conversations can be delicate but are necessary for helping clients navigate the emotional landscape of identity and relationships. By exploring Windust’s experience, therapists can help clients find ways to build resilience, process grief, and set boundaries that protect their well-being.
For therapists working in a Canadian context, these reflections can be particularly relevant in light of Canada’s evolving approach to gender-affirming care. As policies and healthcare systems slowly become more inclusive, non-binary clients may still encounter systemic and familial resistance. Windust’s narrative can serve as a touchpoint in therapy, allowing both therapists and clients to discuss how gender-affirming practices can be integrated into daily life, from self-care routines to advocating for oneself in both personal and public spaces.
Intersectionality and Anti-Oppression
While In Their Shoes does not explicitly dive into intersectionality in every chapter, Jamie Windust makes it abundantly clear that considering multiple facets of identity is crucial when discussing non-binary experiences. Windust acknowledges the privileges they hold as a white non-binary person, while also calling out the continued erasure of trans women of colour and others in more marginalized positions within the LGBTQ+ community. This candid reflection challenges readers to understand that gender identity is not an isolated experience; it intersects with other aspects of a person’s identity, such as race, class, and ability, all of which impact how individuals navigate the world.
For therapists committed to anti-oppressive frameworks, In Their Shoes serves as an important reminder that gender identity cannot be disentangled from these intersecting layers of identity. The book’s narrative offers subtle but powerful moments where Windust highlights how privilege and marginalization coexist within the non-binary community. For instance, they discuss how certain gender presentations are more “acceptable” or palatable in mainstream society, leaving many non-binary individuals—particularly those who are racialized or disabled—facing additional barriers to being seen and understood.
Windust’s emphasis on these complexities provides a valuable lens for therapists to engage in deeper, more nuanced conversations with their clients about their lived experiences. A non-binary person of colour, for example, may have a vastly different experience of visibility and safety compared to a white non-binary person. As therapists, it’s essential to remain attuned to these intersecting identities and to foster an environment where clients feel that all aspects of their identity are recognized and affirmed.
In Canadian contexts, where discussions around intersectionality are becoming more prevalent in both clinical practice and public discourse, In Their Shoes offers valuable insights that are particularly relevant. Canada’s ongoing struggles with systemic racism, ableism, and colonialism often permeate discussions around gender identity. For therapists working within this context, Windust’s reflections can serve as a reminder to continually examine who is being left out of conversations about gender identity. It challenges therapists to consider how colonial legacies, healthcare inequities, and racial or economic disparities impact the mental health of gender-diverse clients, particularly those from Indigenous, Black, and racialized communities.
Furthermore, Windust’s acknowledgment of their own privilege models a necessary practice for therapists: self-reflection. Therapists must not only create space for their clients to explore intersecting identities, but also examine their own positionality in relation to their clients. Whether working with Two Spirit clients who face unique challenges within settler-colonial systems, or trans clients of colour navigating systemic racism, therapists can use Windust’s framework as a starting point for addressing these broader systemic issues in therapy. This includes integrating anti-oppressive practices that address the various layers of a client’s identity, ensuring that their gender-affirming care is not only inclusive but also actively dismantles the barriers created by these intersecting forms of oppression.
In Their Shoes encourages therapists to think critically about the nuances of intersectionality and the importance of an anti-oppressive approach that recognizes the complexity of identity. For clients whose identities are marginalized in multiple ways, this book provides a necessary foundation for understanding how to navigate the world—and, in turn, how therapists can support them in healing and empowerment.
Conclusion
Jamie Windust’s In Their Shoes is a thoughtful, evocative exploration of non-binary life that will resonate deeply with therapists, clients, and anyone seeking to better understand the expansiveness of gender diversity. Through a blend of humour, vulnerability, and critical reflection, Windust invites readers into a world where identity is fluid, multifaceted, and, at times, precarious. The book challenges readers to consider the ways in which societal norms, family dynamics, and personal expression collide, often making the journey toward self-acceptance both beautiful and fraught.
For therapists, In Their Shoes offers more than just insight into non-binary identity; it provides a roadmap for understanding the broader socio-political and emotional landscapes that non-binary clients navigate every day. Whether you are a therapist seeking to deepen your understanding of how to create a truly inclusive practice, or a non-binary individual looking for validation and empathy, this book serves as both an educational tool and a source of affirmation. Windust’s personal reflections offer therapists rich material for exploring themes of visibility, resilience, and the intersection of multiple identities in a therapeutic setting.
Ultimately, the book challenges all of us—therapists, clients, and allies alike—to think more critically about the ways we can better support and affirm non-binary individuals on their journeys toward self-expression. It is a call to action, not just for inclusive policies or healthcare systems, but for meaningful, affirming relationships that recognize the complexity and beauty of each individual’s experience. In a world that still imposes rigid boundaries on identity, In Their Shoes stands as a reminder that true understanding requires empathy, openness, and a willingness to walk in someone else’s shoes.
Continue the Convo
If the ideas in this blog resonate with you or someone you care about, I invite you to take the next step. Whether you’re a therapist seeking support with integrating gender-affirming care into your practice, or someone navigating the complexities of gender identity and looking for compassionate, affirming guidance, I’m here to help. You may book an individual therapy session or peer consultation with me to explore how we can build meaningful, affirming connections together. And be sure to bookmark this blog for future book reviews and insights.
References
Windust, J. (2020). In Their Shoes: Navigating Non-Binary Life. Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Disclaimer: This blog offers general educational information and does not constitute professional advice or establish a therapist-client relationship. Please consult a healthcare provider for personalized guidance. Any decisions based on the content are the reader’s responsibility, and Clayre Sessoms Psychotherapy assumes no liability. All case studies are hypothetical with fictional names and do not reflect actual people. We prioritize your privacy and the confidentiality of all of our clients. We are committed to maintaining a safe, supportive space for 2SLGBTQIA+ community care.